Episode 087

Blaming, Shaming, and

the Illusion of Control

Episode 087

Blaming, Shaming, and the Illusion of Control

The United States has a projected next president. With more certainty than we had in the days approaching the election, you’d think that the tension would be waning. 

Well, unfortunately, that hasn’t been the case. 

While some of us have moved on (or never went there in the first place), others are still pointing fingers, blaming, and shaming. This behavior is happening on all sides of the spectrum. 

Sometimes you’ll even hear influencers talk about unity in one breath. Then, in the next, they refer to people who disagree with their particular political stance calling them “socialists” or “white supremacists.” Whatever happened to unity? What about tolerance? 

You don’t have to look too far to find common ground. So why are we not focusing our attention there?

In a word — it comes down to fear. The powers that be — on all sides — are playing on our fears like a virtuoso plays the violin. When we’re uptight and scared, we’re easier to control, more likely to do what people in power or perceived authority ask us to do without question. 

Who benefits when we act out of fear? You guessed it. Not me and not you and not your next-door neighbor.

NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) has taught me that everyone is doing the best they can with their resources at a point in time. When you can recognize that, it’s easy to be tolerant of other people’s points of view. When you can look at the world from their perspective, their choices and decisions will make sense.

And you will feel respect for them and their position. Name-calling would be out of the question, and not even a consideration. 

What the name-callers don’t know (or forget) is that perception is projection. 

The people slinging harmful language are frustrated with others because deep down, they’re frustrated with themselves. By cutting off others, in some capacity, they’re cutting themselves off.

Ready for the antidote for blame and shame? 

  • For at least a couple of days, turn off the news and stop looking at anything remotely political on social media. Shift that energy into personal growth or the growth of your business. The ROI for the time you invest here will be much greater.
  • Become your best friend. Do things that feel good and that are truly good for you.
  • Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can (and so is everyone else).
  • Instead of feeling bogged down in the weeds of “how” things will be accomplished. Focus on the “what” and the “why.”
  • Remember that we have much more in common with one another than we do differences.
  • Love your neighbors, especially the ones you disagree with.
  • Do the ecology check — Before speaking or acting, ask yourself: Is it good for me? Is it good for those directly involved? Is it good for those who will be affected?


When we can do these things, we’ll be on our way to a more unified and inclusive society. Perhaps the greatest benefit is that such attitudes and approaches will make us whole, undivided individuals. We’ll be at peace with ourselves.

Thanks for listening!

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I'm Brenda Terry. I'm a personal development trainer and master coach who works with go-getters like you who want to achieve big results in your business and personal life.

If you're excited and ready to play bigger in business and kill it in life, I help you identify and change beliefs, patterns, and behaviors that aren't supporting your goals so you can make more money, find more joy, better manage relationships, and communicate more effectively.
I'm here to help you make the powerful, effective shifts you're craving- faster than you ever thought possible.

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