Creating Lasiting Change
Our Thoughts, Values, and Beliefs Do Not Have to Define Us
Recently I’ve been hosting more in-person breakthrough coaching sessions than usual. I love these sessions because I just love helping people come out the other side of whatever is troubling them — even if it’s years of pain, frustration, and downright crappy stuff.
Clients often come into my office wholeheartedly believing that their discomfort, pain, sadness, shame — you name it — is the result of some external circumstance or situation.
These people often think that if their circumstances were different, they’d just feel better and BE better.
This article is about how we often create the foundation of our lives as a result of beliefs, values, and attitudes that others place on us and how this oftentimes determines our results in life.
Babies are sponges
You came into this world full of nothing but love and potential. And then you were exposed to all kinds of things from everyone you encountered — their negative emotions, value, attitudes about life, and more. And a baby’s mind is 100% unconscious, meaning they’re preserving everything. There’s no critical faculty, or conscious processes going on up there.
While everything is happening around them, their brains are creating all kinds of neural pathways.
A baby grows, goes to school, and continues to build on what’s essentially a sense of self that is based on the values, beliefs, and attitudes about him and the world as determined by his caregivers.
The things that happen to us are not what defines us.
As kids develop their sense of self and independence from their parents — depending on their resources, they’ll be focusing on a lot of external validation for their beliefs and values.
Dr. Carl Jung said that the unconscious mind — by need — must express itself in our projections. What that means is that they’ll (and all of us) get the essence of their thoughts, limiting beliefs and decisions. Then they go to high school and have experiences in the form of relationships, activities, and a vision of themselves and their future that further support the already established beliefs, values, and attitudes.
The pattern continues into adulthood with adult partnerships, work relationships, and they continue moving through life doing things a certain way, applying a bunch of “shoulds” to their lives, and continuing to define themselves by their experience.
And then hopefully they’ll meet someone like me and have a breakthrough. And then they’ll realize how simple (not easy) it is to change.
I invite you to explore the idea that your thoughts, beliefs, emotions, decisions, and values do not have to define you and they are not who you are.
You think and feel them often and they were repeated so often that you believe them and then you live the essence of all of this in your life.
Look at your environment…
Are you super duper happy?
Are things working out for you?
If they are — then that’s fantastic! If your results match what you want, then you’re good!
And if they aren’t, I invite you to simply become mindful of all the thoughts, beliefs, values, and emotions that may have been repeating themselves on a loop since you were a child. You may have some work to do. Good for you for even noticing!
These are all simple things that we do. The things we do don’t define who we are — they only define our results.
What happens when we’re attempting to live a different type of life or incorporating something new, we’re doing so with our existing values as the backdrop — it’s unconscious. And in order to make that change effectively and efficiently, we first need to adopt values that are supportive of the change.
The difficulty here is that our desire to change, grow and evolve is often sabotaged by our unconscious values.
Say you want prosperity in your coaching business and how you’re operating now, your values are misaligned with who you are today and what you want for yourself. They’re so dang unconscious, so it’s not your fault.
A client told me that she wanted to triple or quadruple her income, and then when we looked at her values, she had all the components that make up a wonderful career except that money wasn’t in there. She wanted more money, but she had no cash. How do you think that will work out for her if she doesn’t do the work on her mind?
The beauty of this is that you can begin to change today.
- Work with NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) strategies.
NLP is essentially an owner’s manual for the mind that will help you align your conscious and unconscious mind. And strategies are a part of absolutely everything we do in every type of goal.
- Look at the steps.
Break down the steps of anything troubling you or an unwanted thought or behavior. Maybe it’s hitting the snooze button in the morning and you want to change it. Whatever it is, you go through a specific sequence every time you “do” the behavior.
To help you do this, I created a completely free worksheet for you. You absolutely can coach yourself through this. And not only that, it’s a process that you can share with your partner, your kids, your friends, and your business partner. Get the 10-Step Problem Solving Formula here free!
If you enjoyed this article, you can listen to the audio version on the Mind Revolution Podcast that goes even deeper than we do here.
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I'm Brenda Terry. I'm a personal development trainer and master coach who works with go-getters like you who want to achieve big results in your business and personal life.
If you're excited and ready to play bigger in business and kill it in life, I help you identify and change beliefs, patterns, and behaviors that aren't supporting your goals so you can make more money, find more joy, better manage relationships, and communicate more effectively.
I'm here to help you make the powerful, effective shifts you're craving- faster than you ever thought possible.