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E010 Achieving your big goals
Many of us have unspoken desires that are bottled up and hidden away. The upside to that approach is that you’ll have no obstacles resting in your comfort zone. The downside, of course, is that you’ll never realize goals that are not acted upon.
In today’s episode, we talk about what needs to happen in our conscious and our unconscious mind to realize goals. We’ll learn why the two most important steps of achieving a goal are the first one and the last one. And we discuss congruency and why the alignment of our thoughts, actions, emotions, and behaviors is so important when it comes to goal setting and getting.
Perhaps the most beautiful thing about setting and achieving goals is that the person who achieves the goal is never the same person who set the goal. Why? Because growth, change, and transformation have happened along the way! Success breeds success. Fulfilling the next goal will require less effort, less neurological wiring, than the first.
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Brenda: Hey there, welcome to Episode 10 of the Mind Revolution Podcast. I am your host, Brenda Terry. A big, warm thank you to you for turning it today. My wish for you today is that whatever it is that you have planned for the day, that everything just works out totally in your favor and that you have some serious big wins by the end of the day.
On the topic of wins, I just had a big one. This past weekend, I delivered my very first live training here in Reno, and it was excellent. And it was excellent because I had a really nice group of people in there, a really fun group, an engaging group, and it was very intimate and definitely delivered the material and made time to do some coaching and had really a intimate and fun conversation. And I received a ton of good feedback, so I think I’m going to call the first training here in Reno a success. And the next training here in Reno is going to be an even bigger success because I will be incorporating that feedback the next time around. And that’s the power of feedback. It just helps us improve our way there, wherever that “there” may be for each of us.
At this training, the very last thing we did before everybody went home was to set goals and set business goals for themselves, for the future. I taught a Time Line Therapy® technique to do just that. So everything went really great. I did some hypnosis before that. Then we set the goals. Then we said our goodbyes.
And then the next morning, I spoke to one of the students. And she said that she felt so bad afterwards, which was not the reaction I was hoping for. The sometimes it happens. And there’s always a really good reason for that jolt of taking that step in that direction of the thing that we want. And then all of sudden… It’s almost like getting buyer’s remorse. That’s probably the best way to describe that. It is like buyer’s remorse.
What should said was that she thought that the goal she set was way too big. That it was just too big. That she felt that maybe she should have set a different goal because the goal felt way out of reach and that it was going to take a lot of work in making that happen. And it really inspired me to record this episode today because, what is a goal anyway, right? What is a goal? When we set goals, what are we doing in our bodies? What are we doing with our brains? What are we doing with how we’re going to be moving forward in the future?
For me, a goal is setting the intention and making a commitment to take action to achieve a very specific, desired outcome. The sometimes goals do feel really big. And for those big ones, sometimes it’s really hard to see that end point there, the end result of the intention. The outcome just basically feels kind of far removed. I know that feeling, because that’s how I felt when I decided to do what I’m doing now.
I mentioned in previous episodes that I’ve been wanting to accomplish what I’m doing right now and doing this work right now for the last maybe 13 years or so. That had been a desire inside, and I didn’t allow myself to take that desire, pull it out of myself, and design a goal, achievement plan around it. I didn’t do that. I just kept that desire inside.
And sometimes, for people, that’s what we do. You look at the goal, you feel the goal, you hear the goal — whatever it is that you’re doing with the goal inside of yourself — and you don’t allow yourself to even verbalize it or write it down or begin to imagine what it would be like if you accomplished the goal. That’s what people do.
And one of the reasons for that out-of-reach feeling that we get with goals sometimes is really quite simple and makes a lot of sense. And that is that we have yet to build the neurological connections of the container in our neurology for the achievement of this goal. Because when we’re considering taking that goal from a desire state to an actual achievable outcome state where we’re taking that desire and saying, “Okay, now we’re going to do some work around it, and we’re going to make this happen. This is going to now become a reality for us…”
If it’s so far removed from where we are today, then it’s not going to be a clear path. You’re not going to have a clear path on how to get there. And the building of that neurology and creating those neurological connections is the work involved to get there, because all learning, behavior, and change is unconscious. And I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it over and over again.
Until then, we are in the very conscious process of learning something new or adopting a new behavior or making some sort of change.
So how do we start that process? How do we go from feeling our goals inside or feeling those desires inside and taking that desire, turning that into a goal, and then bridging the gap between what those two things are? So taking the dream, the desire, the hope, and then bridging the gap neurologically so that we can achieve it. And in doing so, taking care of that internal objection — because I’m going to call that an objection — that makes it feel as if that goal is too far removed and maybe unachievable.
And it really does depend, for the person, what it means to bridge that gap. For everybody it’s different. And yet, it is absolutely doable.
Now, when we talk about goals and goal setting and go-getting, we always talk about having achievable goals. And what achievable means to me is simply “Has it been done before?” Has someone else done it? If someone else has done it, then chances are you can do it too.
The process of you doing it too could involve a lot of learning. It could involve taking classes. It could involve making shifts inside. It could involve you getting up earlier. It could involve you reading some books. It could involve you hanging out with different types of people, people who know other things. I know that my life absolutely changed when I started hanging out with people who are doing what I do now. Everything changed. The way I have conversations has absolutely changed. My expectations have changed. My desires have changed. My goals have changed.
So now I think way, way, way, way bigger. So when someone tells me they want to accomplish something, like opening a business and they have yet to do that, then I know that they can do it, because I’ve seen it done over and over again, and I have done it myself.
Now, the key component to going from desire to the achievement of the goal is going to be to take action. And for some people, taking that desire and turning it into a specific and desired outcome that we are going to achieve — so that the person or you are going to take and then create something around it to make it a reality — for some of you it’s going to be simply making the decision. That’s what I do for me.
If I made the decision, then chances are it’s as good as done. And it doesn’t mean that I know what I have to do next to make it happen, but it simply means I’m making the decision to do and therefore, it is done. That’s what happened with this podcast. It happened overnight. I made the decision because my wonderful content writer sent me a podcast for some person, and as I listened to the podcast, I heard all kinds of negative internal representations being shared with an audience, and it really got under my skin. I was a little ticked off.
And then I thought, “Well, this is not what someone in leadership ought to be saying.” And in my mind, I thought the word “should.” Like, don’t be telling people how bad things can be. Tell people how great they can be, because that is always an option.
And so in that moment, without having a following, without anybody knowing who I was, without even knowing how to do it, I decided to create and launch and do whatever I had to do to learn how to do what I’m doing now. And that is to bring this information to you.
Now, for other people, the how-to-get-there there is going to mean that they’re going to be researching other people who accomplish similar goals. So if you want to launch a business, then maybe it’s going to be reading books about what it takes to run a business. Let me tell you, for me, I didn’t do that. I have said this before too, that I’m just very toward-motivated. So I love to simply take action and do things. And that, when I started in business, did not include reading books about business, which means that I had to learn my lessons in such painful ways sometimes.
For other people, though, who have launched businesses, they studied and went and took business courses and did all that stuff to launch their businesses. And that worked for them. And even today, that wouldn’t have worked for me.
Now I look at things differently, and I live differently, so I would do some more research, but in reality, for me, it’s making the decision. For somebody else, it’s going to be taking action in the direction of my goal by researching other people who have done this work before and finding out how it is that they did it. Not why they did it but how they did it. What steps did they take to get there?
For other people still, it will was even something that’s going to be more detailed, as in creating an action step system and knowing what is the first thing that needs to be done and then the next thing and the next thing and the next thing for them to see the roadmap visually of that outcome.
And for others, it will mean taking night classes, or it will mean doing the thing that you want to do as a side gig until you get really, really good at it, and then you can, let’s say in the context of launching a business or starting your own business, it will mean doing whatever it is that you’re doing on the side and practicing it that way until you have the confidence to say “This is what I’m going to do full time.”
However it is that you do it, just know that in the process of doing it, you are doing something that’s even more magical than taking the action which is already magical.
And what that is is that as you’re doing the work, you’re building the neurological connections. You’re creating the container, the neurology in your body for what it means to begin to achieve this thing that you want. This is why it’s so important to take action.
And by the way, in setting goals, from the way that I teach goal setting and from the perspective of NLP, the most important steps to absolutely know are the first step and the last step.
Once you accomplish the first step, the milestones in between will reveal themselves to you, because as you make progress, you will have to grow. So in the process of making progress, you are growing as an individual and sometimes even transforming altogether. You will have more information. You will have new resources. You will have new learnings. And this is how you build those neurological connections, or that container, for your desired outcome.
It all works together. And in that process, you are doing the conscious work to learn something new, to adopt new behaviors that are going to support your goals, and to make change. So you’re going to be making changes as you’re doing that. In the beginning, it will feel very, very conscious.
And then at some point, it will become unconscious, and you will have a blueprint for how to achieve other goals. That’s the magical part of all of this. It’s like the gift that keeps on giving.
If you have yet allowed yourself to really dream big and really create a plan to make the big stuff happen in your life, then this process, doing it the first time, is going to create the neurology for you to do it again. It will create the blueprint. And the more you do it, the more you practice it, the stronger those neurological connections become. And then, at some point, all of that process becomes so unconscious that this is simply just who you are.
For example, for me, now goal getting is this automatic thing that happens for me. I start working on the next goal before I complete the one that I’m working on now.
Now I have goals that I work on for my day, and then I have goals for a week, and then goals for projects, and then I’ll have goals for my long-term vision. And so in all of that, I’m constantly working to achieve them. I’m always, always moving now.
And one of the things that I love to do — and almost at this point can’t even help doing it because it’s so unconscious — is that before I finish the project I’m working on, I’m already working on the next project. This is the power of creating and building that new neurology.
And the way that I visualize goal getting is that I see an outline or a shape of this goal. That’s all I have in the beginning. So I make the decision. And I get an idea of what that last step is going to be before I achieve the goal — what it would look like for me with that picture in my head, that internal representation of the outcome of the goal right before I accomplish it so that I know when I get to this point then achieving the goal is inevitable.
And then, as I start taking action, then all the details begin to fill in. And the more I do the work, the more clarity I get as it relates to the next steps. And then everything begins to come together. So for me, it starts out like an outline, like a shape. And then, by the end of that, everything is filled in, and it makes absolutely perfect sense.
Now, hopefully this information so far, what we’re talking about here is inspiring you to move forward and take those things inside, those things that you want, that you hold so dear and maybe don’t even allow yourself to talk about, and put that out in front of your face and create an action plan around it. Whatever it is that is going to determine your first step and your last step, that you go ahead and do that, and you begin taking action.
And when you do, I want you to keep one thing in mind — and that is this next component that I’m going to share with you — which will absolutely, without a doubt, determine whether or not you’re going to achieve your goal in the time frame that you’ve allowed and will determine whether or not you’re going to achieve your goal at all. And that is the concept of congruency.
When we’re operating in congruency, there is complete harmony between our actions, our thoughts, our emotions, and our behaviors as they relate to the goal.
What that means is that when you set the big goal, that all of you — all of you — is 100% focused on the achievement of that goal, that you are aligned with that goal and that your behavior, your thoughts, your actions, and your emotions are aligned with the accomplishment of that goal.
Now the road to congruence may start out a little bumpy. Sometimes that means that you’re going to have negative emotions, or you’re going to have thoughts that are going to be un-resourceful. Or maybe it will mean that you’re still doing some things that are you aligned truly with the goal. And here is where your work becomes paramount. This is where your focus then has to shift. This is the process. This right here is the process of you going from learning something very consciously and then doing the work to integrate it unconsciously.
So if you are setting a big goal for yourself — let’s talk about weight loss for a second — and you are setting a goal to lose weight. Well, in the beginning, it’s not going to be so easy because you don’t have the neurological connections for that ultimate result. So there may be some sabotage in there, and it’s really critical that when you have those moments, that you take whatever action step you have to take immediately after to get back on track. And this is the time when we don’t beat ourselves up. We simply take the learnings, and we learn whatever there is to learn from that experience, and we get back on track and stay on course.
That’s what congruence is all about. It doesn’t mean that everything is going to be just so and perfect, and it’s going to be easy. No, no, no. That’s not what it means. You are in the process of adopting new behavior. You’re in the process of changing. You’re in the process of learning. So therefore, in the process of learning, you’re going to do some learning. That just makes sense, doesn’t it? It’s not going to be easy all the time. And yet, the more you do it, the easier and easier it will get for you.
Congruence simply means that you are going to be 100% on board with your goal and that you’re going to keep your focus on that goal, and you’re going to take action in the direction of that goal almost to the exclusion of everything else.
For example, for me, when I decided to launch this business, I changed absolutely everything, and I took about a year to put it all together. And I took a year of learning the material at the different level. It took a year of me taking more courses. It took a year of me assisting at a bunch of training so that I could really see how things were done. It took me reading. It took me writing. It took me doing a lot of change work releasing negative emotions, eliminating negative beliefs. It took me adopting new strategies. And in that process, there were times when it was really hard, and it felt easier to go back and do what I did or just simply do nothing and maybe have a small coaching business and have that be it.
And I had those thoughts, and I had those feelings. And I kept going, because just remember that when you’re having those thoughts and those feelings that you pulling you towards the familiar, that’s just the comfort zone calling you and beckoning and saying, “Come over here. It’s more comfortable here than being outside of these boundaries where you’re in the growth zone,” as we talked about in a another episode. And in this space, you do not have the protection of your armor. You don’t have the protection of the familiar. So here you’re learning something new.
So it’s not going to be easy in there, and yet it will be very exciting, and it will be compelling, and you’ll be filled with anticipation, and it will take you to that next step. So it’s really important that, as you’re doing the work, that you keep in mind that doing the work means that you’re going to have to break through all of those boundaries for yourself. And this is simply part of the process. Just like obstacles. It may feel that the goal, as you’re getting there, may feel too hard or too far away. And yet you stay on that road. And you’ll find that on the road to achieving big goals, you will have some speed bumps, and you’ll have roadblocks in the form of obstacles. And this is normal, because this tells you that you are making progress.
If you were taking zero action, you would have zero obstacles. That’s the bottom line. So here, obstacles are going to be opportunities for you to learn, for you to grow, for you to acquire new resources, for you to make more changes, because as we talked about — I think it was the Unconscious Goal Stopper in Episode 4 — we talked about how the person that you are when you set the big goal, especially if it feels like it’s far away from you, that person that set the goal today, that beautiful, innocent soul that set the goal today, is not the same person that’s going to achieve the goal.
In the process, the gift of goal getting, the gift of it to ourselves, is that personal transformation along the way. It’s almost as if the goal becomes a byproduct of the growth. You’re only going to get there when you do grow. And in the process, as it feels like it’s getting far away from you or it feels like the distance between where you are and where this achievement and this outcome is is a long distance… If it feels like it’s too far, it is really crucial to stay congruent and to remember all the reasons that compelled you to set the goal and then get back on track and re-establish that harmony between your actions and your thoughts and your emotions and your behaviors so that they are aligned with the outcome. Not with where you are today but with that outcome.
And then start taking action again.
The key here is to take action in that direction. And as you do, you’re going to discover all kinds of things, because right now, where you’re at, you cannot know what you don’t know just yet. You cannot know what you haven’t experienced yet.
The beauty of putting yourself on that journey and taking the action necessary to get you from right where you’re at right now to take that very first step and then from there seeing what’s next, the beauty of that is that you will be changing as a result and changing in a way that’s going to be really positive for you, because, as human beings, typically, we have a big goal in mind. Then that goal involves the wellbeing of other people.
It involves the wellbeing of our families. It involves the wellbeing of the people that we interact with. It involves the wellbeing of our most important relationships. It involves the wellbeing of our clients. It involves the wellbeing of anybody that we serve, anybody that we come in contact with.
And just from my perspective, I think that we need more of that. I want more people to go after their big, big, big, big goals. Go out and get them, and then show other people how to do the same. That’s the purpose of everything that I do, by the way. And when I talk to people, when I teach or when I coach, my purpose is to get more people to open their minds, to become aware of their own power. So as they become aware of their own power, they can then begin to utilize that power to affect change in themselves and then create that ripple effect of change to the people in their environment and so on and so forth. That’s what this is all about.
So just remember, congruency is the key. You set the goal. You identify first and last steps. You take action, and you allow things to fill in yourself in whatever is most appropriate for you, whatever works for you. For me, making the decision means I’m on the path. Maybe for you it will mean that you’re going to go talk to people who have done it and find out how they did it. Maybe you’re going to read some good biographies, or maybe you’re going to go learn about how to start a business or run a business. Or maybe you’re going to learn about how to lose the weight that you want to lose. Maybe you’re going to go learn things or you’re going to go do things, or maybe you’re going to hang out with people who have done it already and then take action. It’s going to be up to you. Because ultimately this is about you and the expression of you and a way that works for you.
With that said, super grateful that you’re here. Thank you so much for joining me today. My hope is always that you find the information here useful and that you can apply it to whatever it is that you’re working to achieve. I believe in all of you listening. I do, fully, from my heart. I just know that the vast majority of us can accomplish significantly more than we think we can. And this is just a little tidbit to help you open up in that direction.
As always, I’m going to ask you to go and visit our podcast at MindRevolutionPodcast.com. Visit the podcast page. We have so many worksheets on so many of the episodes. There’s so much stuff in there that’s really, really good, and I hope that you take a listen. And I’m going to ask you to support us by subscribing to the podcast and going to iTunes and living us feedback. And if there’s something that you want us to talk about, then go to the suggestion box and the question box there on the podcast cage and write in what it is that you want to talk about. Because this podcast is all about you.
I love to do this, and I want to make sure that I’m here for you. So please go and send us your suggestions, your comments, your questions. I love feedback. I incorporate feedback. I love it. I think it’s so important for me to know what it is that you’re thinking, what it is that you’re feeling, what pictures do you make up in your mind as you’re hearing the information… Because all of that is important information to design this podcast in a way that works and serves you.
So that’s all I have for you today. Thank you so much for being here with me. I am so excited to do this one more time with you by my side. Until next time…
Thanks for listening to the Mind Revolution Podcast with me, Brenda Terry. Be sure to visit MindRevolutionPocast.com to join the conversation, access the show notes, and discover our fab bonus content. Stay positive until next time.
I'm Brenda Terry. I'm a personal development trainer and master coach who works with go-getters like you who want to achieve big results in your business and personal life.
If you're excited and ready to play bigger in business and kill it in life, I help you identify and change beliefs, patterns, and behaviors that aren't supporting your goals so you can make more money, find more joy, better manage relationships, and communicate more effectively.
I'm here to help you make the powerful, effective shifts you're craving- faster than you ever thought possible.