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10 Things I Learned to Live Abundantly
As you probably know, I’ve been working on a new course on prosperity and abundance, and it’s impossible to do that work without reflecting on my own journey from severe poverty to abundance. In today’s episode, I share my personal story so that you can understand where I’ve been, how much I’ve had to overcome to get to where I am today, and that the tools that I teach, preach, and live by really do work.
My story is one of dirt walls and a dirt floor…no indoor plumbing…feeling abandoned by my dad when he left my mom…feeling abandoned by my mom when she left Mexico to seek a better life for herself, my little brother, and I…delivering freshly cleaned laundry, on foot, through the streets of Tijuana with my grandmother…eating discarded bread scraps from a local restaurant that previously fed them to their dogs…immigrating to America as a preteen…culture shock…eating disorders…a failed marriage…
My rough background left me with a lot of hurt and a lot of limiting beliefs. But I had a few things going for me. I come from a line of feisty women — my mom is strongly independent, and my grandmother taught herself to read, and she fed a bunch of kids largely on her own.
As you’ll hear, my life began to really pivot when I started being self-disciplined, consistently working towards goals. Finally I was able to build and maintain momentum by embracing and living by the following 10 things:
- It’s critical that I manage my state. This helps me operate from a place of logic rather than emotion.
- Think before I speak. I ask “For what purpose do I want to share this?” and make sure it’s for my and everyone else’s benefit before I say it.
- Turn my dreams into goals and commit to achieving them.
- Take action to achieve what I want. Daydreaming and thinking won’t get me anywhere. I’ve got to act.
- Love and accept people for who and where they are. In so doing, I accept myself.
- Surround myself with people who I can learn from.
- Commit to lifelong learning.
- Embrace the fact that it’s up to me. I take full responsibility for my outcomes.
- Persevere. Keep going, especially during the tough times.
- Live my purpose. Doing so has shifted everything in my life in a positive direction.
I live by the above each day. They are tools and principles that keep me learning, growing, and getting better. Yeah, I’m still a work in progress, but look how far I’ve come! If I can come this far, I know you can make huge strides too. Let me know what resonates with you. I’d love to hear your feedback!
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Brenda: Hey there. Welcome to Episode 66 of the Mind Revolution Podcast. I am your host, Brenda Terry. A big, warm thank-you to you for tuning in today. And my wish for you, as always, is that wherever you are and whatever it is that you find yourself doing right now, that you are well, that you are happy, that you are safe, and that in your world, you are noticing, maybe more than ever, your bigness, because we all have bigness inside. And it’s so easy for us to forget that it’s all in there.
Everything that is going to allow us to live the lives that we want to live starts from within.
Today’s episode, I’m going to get a little personal with you, and I’ve got to tell that I’ve been putting it off for two days. I have made so many excuses not to do this. I’ve been busy because I’m creating the content for our course coming right up which is all about abundance and prosperity. And it’s impossible to do that work without thinking back on my own journey and taking a look back to notice the huge difference from where I was to where I am today in living the life that I’m living now. [0:01:51]
But getting personal, that’s personal. It’s a little uncomfortable. I always feel very strongly that anything that I do in my work, that isn’t really about me. It is about the people listening. It is about the people who are in my space.
And my clients, when I share stories with them, it’s always, to use a metaphor, for their own progress and their own journey.
So I’ll use myself as an example, but in reality, I’m telling them their story. And that’s what all of this is about. [0:02:30]
I’ve had a few clients — and that’s what makes it interesting. And this is how I know that it’s time to do something. When I did the forgiveness episode a while back — I don’t remember what episode that was — but when I did that — I think it was 48, I could be wrong… But when I did that episode and I recorded it, I had prepared it for — I don’t know — months earlier, and I just couldn’t bring myself to record it.
And then things started happening in my client work where forgiveness was the topic, and I thought, ah-ha. It’s time to put it out there. And so that’s how I did it.
Well, this episode, I’ve been talking to a lot of people in my space — people who are either my clients, people that I’ve just gotten to know along the way, some of the people who are podcast listeners and checking in and asking me about my story because I think I share a lot of it here, pieces of it anyway. And I have clients who think that I’m very private, and then I have other clients who think I’m an open book. And in reality, I am an open book. I want to make sure that I am transparent when I’m sharing the information. I don’t have a beautiful, seamless story. [0:03:51]
I call my story rough and tumble, meaning I made a lot of mistakes along the way, and I’ve learned to recover and do my best every day to keep growing and keep learning.
But it’s been quite a journey. I feel that my life is almost like living seven lifetimes because if I were to go back to where I started, it wouldn’t make sense that someone who saw me way back then would ever say that I’m doing this today.
And yet you find people who are doing incredible things all the time where their starts were challenging, and they found a way to persevere. They found a way to get through it. And they found a way to come out on the other side of their journey, and doing so with grace and to make a big impact on the world, or in the world. I always get those two confused. I call that my Spanish because I think in Spanish a lot of the times, and sometimes it doesn’t translate in English so well.
So here’s my story…
I’m sharing it with you in the hopes that you’re going to find something in here that’s going to benefit you, so that you know that I’m right there with you. There is nothing I’m sharing here that comes from just book learning, although I’ve done a lot of book learning stuff. But everything in here has been applied to self. Everything that I teach has been applied to self, and I’ve had to do a lot of work to change the direction of my life in a very, very big way.
As you know, I grew up — well, you probably know this because I’ve talked about this. I grew up in severe poverty in Mexico. I am your typical — or maybe not so typical — immigrant story.
I was raised for a long time by my grandmother. My parents divorced when I was very young. I think the last time they were together, I was five years old. And this is after they were already divorced, I believe. And I’ve got to tell you that as I share this with you, I want you to know that I feel very strongly that while my story and the things that have happened in my life have contributed greatly to my awareness and my capacity for compassion and empathy and sympathy and the understanding of what I can achieve in my life, I feel that that story doesn’t define me. So when I speak of this story, it’s not an emotional journey for me anymore because I’ve, number one, I’ve released all the negative emotions, and I released the majority of the limiting beliefs. Sometimes they come up. I always call it Mexico. It’s like it’s Mexico popping up because all my negative, limiting stuff originated there.
But the story for me is one that just tells me how far I’ve come. That’s really all that it is. And I want to share it with you so that maybe you find something in here that you can use for you, for your own good so that you can achieve your own stuff in the way that you want to achieve it, especially since we’re talking lately a lot about prosperity and abundance and what it looks like and what it’s like to move from scarcity and to live in a world where we can feel abundant. [0:07:13]
And I know that journey oh so well, because that’s exactly how life was for me.
When I say “poverty,” I mean dirt floors. We had a little house that was four rooms. I think it would be the equivalent of maybe a two-car garage, and the house itself did not have dirt floors, but my bedroom did, which Ron always laughs. How always says, “How did you get to be so fancy? You grew up in a crawl space.” [0:07:42]
And that’s because our house was so tiny and there were so many of us that my grandma, who is one of my biggest heroes, was this woman who was left by her husband with eight children. She was pregnant with her eighth child. She just worked day and night. And my mom, who I just adore — she’s wonderful… And my mom, who was really forward-thinking for her age, someone who was a modern woman before that was even a thing, she wanted to excel, and she wouldn’t to go the school, and she was kept from going to school.
My grandmother taught herself to read. That is where I come from.
My mom was literally taken out of school because in Mexico way back then it just wasn’t acceptable for young ladies to be educated. So she ended up working at a grocery store and met my father, and I became the person that I am as a result of an encounter that wasn’t intended to create a child. So I was definitely one of those unexpected pregnancies. And as a result, it changed my mother’s life forever and my father’s too.
And so my mom and my dad, they were so young. My mom was 17 years old when she was pregnant with me, when she got pregnant with me. My dad was 18, and it was just tough. You can think of young kids having kids. That’s exactly what it was.
And so they didn’t know. They did the best they could. They had their problems, I guess, like teenagers would, but they weren’t living a teenage life. They were a mother and a father raising a child.
And my dad was not in love with my mother, and my mother knew this. Eventually, through a lot of heartache, that led to divorce. And in Mexico in the ’70s, that meant that the future for me, as a daughter of a mother who was divorced, looked bleak.
And at this point, we already had my little brother. I have a brother who is two and a half years younger than me. And my mom was faced with a very difficult decision and that was to leave my brother and myself in the care of my grandmother to come to America to make a better life. And it was not easy, I think, for any of us.
As I child, I can look back and say, “My mommy left me.” And for whatever reason, I felt more upset about my mom leaving than my dad leaving. But I was very angry and very hurt, and I felt absolutely abandoned by them.
What happened was that we were just so poor, my grandmother worked day and night. She was a housekeeper and a nanny to my godmother, and they lived two houses away. So my grandmother would spend her day running back and forth between our little house and my godmother’s house and taking care of her kids and coming over and checking on us, because I am the oldest grandchild, and I have an uncle who is two years older than me, so she had a bunch of kids. And she was just doing it on her own.
And the adults that were also her children who were there, they were all working, and everybody was pitching in, and this is one of the reasons that family is so very important to me, because we were a team, although I was a little kid who was a little brat because I was very independent, and I had a huge mouth on me, and I just had to fight everything and everyone. That is exactly how I was. And I was not pleasant, I’ll tell you that.
And so we lived a very hand-to-mouth experience. I remember very clearly growing up on — still my favorite things to eat because when I eat those things, I think of my grandma. But we grew up on beans — we called it fideo. Those of you who speak Spanish know what that is. It’s just like vermicelli pasta with tomato sauce and oil and a little bit of onion and water, and it’s delicious. And maybe eggs. And that was it. And that’s all we had.
So for me, food was like this prized thing, and I’m convinced that this is when I developed an eating disorder. Not then because I was just so hungry but when I came to America years later with my mom, and my mom being the mom that she is, trying to take care of us so much, just fed us everything, and everything was open and available.
I was introduced to Hostess donuts. They were my favorite things to eat, and I would just eat a ton of that stuff. I had Twinkies. Still have a love affair with Twinkies, although I eat them now rarely, like years in between a bite of each, and I think “That’s just so gross.”
But it wasn’t back then.
So we grew up in this environment where there just was never enough of anything. And you’ve got to think from the point of view of a child that you’re creating all kinds of limiting beliefs in this process. So my grandma worked as a nanny and as a housekeeper. My mom was working here in the US, and I wouldn’t see her very often. And it was really, really hard.
At night, my grandma, and in the afternoons, she would do laundry for people that we knew, and she would iron clothes. And then at night, our special quality time was going through the streets — I’ll never forget it — I was a little kid holding onto the hangers, my two little fingers on each hand, and walking with her through the streets in Mexico to deliver the clothes to the people so that she can get paid. And that’s what she did.
I remember surviving on a restaurant up the street from our house who used to make Mexican sandwiches, and they would cut off the ends of the bread, and they would package it up so my grandma could feed us. Seriously, they used to give those things to their dogs, and my grandma was like “Wait a minute. I have a bunch of kids. Just give them to me, and let me feed them.” And she would fry them in oil and put some sugar on them. And that’s all we ate.
I mean, this is how life was.
This is why I love my grandmother to death. She’s still with us, and she’s a feisty lady, and she’s always doing something. She can’t sit still. She’s just working, working, working.
So I was raised by my grandma. My aunts and my uncles were there, and everybody was so young, working really hard. And I just remember feeling that sadness and the sense of abandonment. And not even anger. Just defeat. Feeling defeated as a child because my mom and my dad were not there.
Then we moved to America, and then I seriously have culture shock because culture shock is real. It happened to me.
I was just about to become a teenager. I did not speak English. I did not understand the culture. I missed my home in Mexico because one of the things that I loved about being in Mexico was that — I didn’t know that I loved it, by the way, until I didn’t have it… Doesn’t that tell you that we don’t appreciate the things we have sometimes? In Mexico, I could be outside all day long, and I could talk really loud, and I could yell, and I could run.
And then we moved to the US, and we lived in an apartment where we had to be really quiet, my brother and I. It was really hard, and it was still like a dream come true because it was years and years and years of waiting to be reunited with my mom and living under the same roof. And then feeling disappointed that it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be.
And frankly, I would say that it was disappointing for my mother for it not to be what she probably thought it was going to be. It was way harder on all of us than we anticipated.
So then I struggled. I did well in school. I was really bright. I could just zoom through school, no problem, but yet I started failing classes.
So I didn’t graduate from junior high school. I didn’t graduate from high school because at the end of the journey, at the end of the journey, I would drop off. Emotionally, mentally I couldn’t finish anything.
So when I tell my clients that I used to be a procrastinator, they’re always so shocked because now I just so love to get things done. But from an NLP standpoint, the process of not being able to finish something is when someone has a problem with closure, meaning there is a process called “looping” in NLP, or “keeping an open loop.” And what it is is just basically somebody who there is a fear around closure for them. And not knowing… I was a child. What did I know? This is exactly what I was going through. It was almost like a cry for help, but who knew that this is what that was? I didn’t realize this until way later when I learned NLP.
So that’s what it was for me. It was really, really, really hard. And it was a struggle every day, and eating became an issue. I know that I went into deep disordered eating when I was 13 years old, because I was really thin, but I just felt so fat. I was so afraid of gaining weight. Everything for me was based on fear of being fat. And that’s how life was for me.
And, of course, when you continue to have limiting beliefs, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and then all of a sudden, you have an eating disorder. That’s what happened to me.
I lived a real middle-income experience here because my step-father was an engineer. My mom worked as a supervisor in a factory. They did electronic things with computers. Don’t ask me exactly what it was, but I know that that’s what it was. And so I had the opportunity to go to school.
So I started college, and my goal was to study child development and psychology. And then I got a job at a restaurant, and I started making tips. And I really liked the money. And so I thought, “Wait a minute. What is this? So if I do a really good job, I get paid so much more money…” So then I decided to go into sales. That’s how that happened.
And in between, I met my first husband, and I was so starved for that sense of belonging because even though I was in the US, I didn’t really feel like I belonged anywhere.
And my step-father was pretty much an S.O.B. For a little bit. I mean, I loved him to death, but he was a tough cookie, and he didn’t make us feel super welcomed, and it was just his personality. Now that I understand NLP meta-programs and I understand the different filters for experience for people, I totally get it. But I didn’t get it back then, so I felt very alienated.
So I married the first person that made me feel like I belonged, and he happened to be from my neighborhood in Mexico, in Tijuana, which is where I’m from.
And so it wasn’t love at first sight. It was just simply like “Please take me and save me from myself.”
And he did. And so we got married and had kids, and this entire time I’m in sales and struggling because I had those limiting beliefs that were so hard. It was so much going through all of that. And I didn’t think that I deserved anything. I didn’t feel good about myself. I really felt incapable, unworthy. I felt that I didn’t have what it took to make great things happen.
I remember when Oprah Winfrey was a huge thing, and her talk show, and I just thought, “I’ll never be like Oprah Winfrey.” And I think I talked about this in one of the episodes before. How does she do it? She was a poor child, and she made it. How did she do it? She must have had something that I didn’t have because I’m not doing it.
I married somebody who also had that scarcity thinking that I think is just prevalent in Mexico at the time. It was. And there are parts in Mexico where that’s still prevalent. But where we were, as in the way that we were raised and how we grew up, money was always a problem.
So there was never enough money. There was never enough of anything. If you think of not enough-ness, there was just never enough of anything. Not enough money. Not enough food. Not enough nice clothes. Not enough love. Not enough company. Not enough compassion. Not enough validation. Not enough self-worth. Not enough of anything. [0:21:12]
Because the brain will take a concept that you’re repeating constantly and apply it to just about everything else. So even if it was available you couldn’t see it. That’s what it was like.
I really struggled, but I still was such a fighter. And I thank my mother for that so much because my mom struggled to get us here. And she had to sacrifice a lot in order to make it happen. And so did my grandmother because my grandmother took us on and raised us as her own while my mom was trying to make it happen here.
And so my mom is an independent, outspoken, creative woman is the way that I would describe her. She’s feisty. Everybody that meets her absolutely loves her.
She’s all of those things, and she’s still a mom. So she’s very loving and caring. And we had to do a lot of work on our relationship to be able to be in a place where we can absolutely love each other and respect each other and be here for each other. Because you can’t have the stuff that happened to us and be unscathed on the other side. We had to go back and fix it, and we did.
So I struggled. And I didn’t understand why. I couldn’t figure out the thing that was keeping me from doing the things that I wanted to do because I knew that I had the capacity, meaning that I had the intelligence to do the things. I knew that if I put my mind to something that I could make it happen. The problem was that I would start stuff, and then I would drop off. I would have the great big idea, and then I would start working on it, and when I got into the details of it, I would just simply lose momentum and let it go.
And I did that a lot as I was growing up. And growing up as an adult. This was after I became a mother already. This is where I look back, and I think, “Oh my gosh. I could have done so many other things, but I just kept saying, “No, it’s not it. No, it’s not it. No, it’s not it.”
And I’ve got to tell you that there’s a couple of components and dynamics present when it comes to that.
One for me was that it wasn’t it. What I was looking to wasn’t it.
When I got into real estate and I loved it, I did really, really well, and I could do so well, and I could make a lot of money, and then I would just lose momentum and not want to do anything. Or whatever I did, I had to force myself to keep going.
So part of it was that it wasn’t it.
But the other part was that I didn’t have inside the tools and the strategies to be able to keep moving and keep going forward.
And this was my life. I struggled. I was up and down, up and down, up and down a lot.
And then when the market crashed — so this is 2008 and the market was nowhere. We couldn’t do anything. During this time, I really had to think because before that, if I wanted to make money, I just would work really hard for a little bit and make a lot of money. Then I would lose that drive to do it.
And now I understand what that is. That’s just not having resources. Resources, as in inside — internal resources. That’s me not connecting with my own worth, with my own value. That’s me feeling like I don’t deserve to have all the things that I could have. That is what we call that prosperity thermostat that we talked about in one of the podcast episodes. It was set a certain place for me, at a certain level, and whenever I exceeded it, it was like the momentum went away.
So I wasn’t in touch with all the tools and resources that I could create for myself back then.
So then I would create and make a lot of money, and then I would slow down and create, make a lot of money, and then slow down.
Well, when the real estate market crashed and I didn’t have the ability to go make a lot of money, I really had to make a shift. I had to make a shift, and the shift was in my thinking. And the entire time, by the way, I had been in therapy for nine years during this whole time. I feel like I’m baring my soul. I feel like you’re my therapist today.
I was in therapy for nine years, and we couldn’t pin that little thing down.
My clients know when I say “This is my weird s-h-i-t.” This is just my weird stuff. It just pops up out of nowhere. And it’s like, ah-ha. There you are, you whatever you are weirdness that is in the neurology, meaning it’s so deep, buried in there, and it comes out from time to time. That was one of the pieces that we couldn’t figure out.
We couldn’t figure out what is it that kept me from keep achieving, because I could achieve so much so quickly, but then I would slow down.
I made really bad decisions. Really bad business decisions. And now I know that it had everything to do with worthiness, with self-love, with the knowledge that I deserved to have the things that I wanted, the belief in myself that I could do it, busting through the comfort zone. All the things that we talk about in the podcast, those are all the things that I had to learn for myself and making it happen.
So I went through that. And when that market crashed, I had to make a change. And I did because it was scary. It was so scary, and I made the change so quickly. And I remember being there with my mom and surviving in that beginning part with my mom’s pension.
My mom and I always lived together. We were living together after my first divorce and then all the way until Ron and I finally moved in together. We have always been together — decades really together.
And so living with her off her pension and my brother’s unemployment because my brother, during this time, had been in a fire, and he almost died. And he was going through something really dark. A really dark period in his life. So the three of us just came together, along with my two kids. And there we were living in this three-bedroom apartment with my two boys, my brother, my mom, and my sister-in-law would come over and visit on the weekend with her son.
So this is where we were.
When I made that pivot, I just started being really consistent and started working consistently on the goal — very consistent, very intentional. And that’s how I got myself in order. That’s how I became more disciplined.
I didn’t have the discipline that I have today. But that’s when I really got it really strong.
The entire time I could have discipline in spurts, but it wasn’t discipline as in sticking to it all the way through. It was discipline until I got what I needed, and then I let it go.
So when I work with clients today and they talk about their big ideas, I am a stickler for action because I’m all too familiar. I’m all too familiar with the process of having a big idea and not implementing it, having a big idea and not doing the work to make it happen.
This is exactly the reason that so few people make it to where they want to make it. It’s because it’s easy to have the big idea. The work comes in the implementation of things.
But in order to implement the thing that you want to implement, there’s learning that has to happen inside. It’s our own faculties that play that key role. Because you can learn just about anything out there. You can google anything you want, and you will get a ton of information. Some of it will be way off, and some of it will be spot on. And when you research enough, you’re going to find out how to do it.
But the key is sticking through the process. That’s where we have the problem, the majority of us.
But there’s a reason for it. This is the part that for me has been one of the biggest learnings is understanding that everybody does the best they can. Every single person that I come across, whether they’re doing well or doing terribly, they’re doing the best they can. Because we have yet to learn…
I don’t think that we’ve been taught enough to know that we have the power to do the work. I keep saying that it’s the ruby slippers in Oz. You have it with you the entire time. But we have not been taught that. We’re always looking for solutions outside of ourselves because that’s how we’ve been conditioned.
So for me, the big learning was “Okay, it’s up to me. Got it” and then started doing the work.
And then that turned everything around. And I’m convinced that for me that led to me being able to get really creative in my real estate career and then have a really fun and successful business there. And then that led to me hitting that big wall of where I got really sick, and I was in away-from territory, meaning all the things I didn’t want. I was already with Ron and causing havoc in that relationship because of my work and my work ethic, which at that point had been completely turned around, and I was a workaholic.
And then I discovered NLP. And then when I discovered NLP, how it stopped me in my tracks because I had never ever, ever experienced the swiftness in changework that I experienced there when I learned NLP, when I learned Time Line Therapy®, and when I learned hypnosis and when I use them all to create the shifts. I had never been aware of that. And it made me stop. And I remember feeling the pit in my stomach, like someone punched me in my gut.
When I knew that I was working on a big project with my company to take that company there national, or at least state-wide, and I was working on software that I created, and it had been really expensive, and the entire time that I was learning more about NLP, and I was doing the techniques. And I became a coach, and I was becoming a master coach. And I knew inside that I just wanted to of this for a living.
And I felt so scared because why would I leave a business that held so much promise and that I had been working on so hard for so many years. Scared me to death. And it scared Ron to death and my whole family because they all worked me. But still, I did it. And I made the shift.
And I learned some things in the process.
And the message for me in sharing this with you is to let you know that you have the power within you to do this work. Because if I did it, if I grew up in poverty with no indoor plumbing, underneath a house, a grew up with dirt walls, dirt floors, and I remember very clearly seeing the spiders on the wall and thinking that they were my friends, and I would look out the little window that my grandma and her nephews put in that little room, and I would just see people’s feet. And this is how it grew up.
And if I grew up in scarcity and poverty at a level that felt that there was no getting out and I’m right here telling you this story to tell you that I have learned and grown, and I am now in a healthy, loving, beautiful relationship, that I’m doing work that is so deeply meaningful to me, that I’m finding hope and love in all the things that I’m doing, that I’m living abundantly, you can do it too. [0:33:06]
There are some things that I learned that I want to share with you. This is going to be a super long podcast episode. I’m going to make it as quickly as possible.
This list is my list, and I came up with ten things that I can share with you that I learned. And I’m going to go through them quickly. And I’m going to ask you to go ahead and send me your messages because you know I read them all. Those of you who chime in, you know I respond. So send me your messages and let me know what you’re learning here. What is it that’s going to be your takeaway as you step into your shoes, your bigness, because your bigness is there waiting for you to step into?
So here we go.
So the ten things I’m going to share with you, these are the things that I learned post-NLP that I practice every single day. These are the rules that I live by, and this is a constant thing for me, consistent. That means that I practice this moment to moment to moment. And I’m human. So I have human experiences where I am not congruent, where I am not in toward territory, where I am in away-from land. I have those moments too, but I use this right here — what I’m going to share with you — to bring me back to center.
And the very first thing that I learned is that it is critically important that I manage my state. Managing my state is my number one priority. And managing my state means that my emotions are not going to control me, that I’m going to control my emotions. That’s what that means.
What it means is that I know that a state is just a state is just a state and that I can change that state if I don’t like it, and I can milk it if I do like it. That means that if something is happening that’s not feeling good to me right now that I can simply ask myself, “Hey, I don’t want to feel like this right now. What is it that I want to feel instead?” And I can focus on that feeling until I feel that thing. And it’s a technique that is so powerful. It’s the most powerful thing that I can do. It’s the most powerful thing that I think that you can do, because when you learn to manage that, you’re going to learn to manage so many things in your life because you’re going to be in charge of your emotions. And when you can be in charge of your emotions, you’re going to be able to operate from logic. And when you can operate from logic, you’re going to be making really good powerful decisions.
The second thing I learned is to think before I speak. You would never know it, would you? I talk so dang much. But I do. Thinking before I speak.
When I hear people tell me things, I always listen. And my clients now this. I’ll put my little finger up to be like “Wait a minute. I’m catching your language. Give me a second.”
I always listen for what’s not being said. I always listen for the way that things are being said. And when I think my thoughts, I do the same thing.
So I think the thought and the thing that I want to say, and I always ask myself this question. “For what purpose?” What is the purpose that I want to say this thing? Who is it going to serve? And is it going to serve them or me in the way that I desire? Is my intention going to be met by me sharing this thing that I’m going to say?
And when I do that, I gotta tell you that about 70% of the things I want to say I end up not saying because they’re irrelevant. They’re not important.
I know that it’s not important for me to share everything that’s in my mind with Ron.
I know that it’s not important for me to share everything that’s in my mind with anybody.
I know that me disagreeing with somebody is not going to help them agree with me.
I know that me telling somebody how I don’t like what they’re doing is not going to help them make a change.
I know that the most important thing that I can do is establish rapport, meaning be there for them, get them. Don’t my very best to get them. And so that requires a lot of thinking before I say anything.
The third thing I learned, which is really powerful for me, is to turn my dreams into goals and then commit to achieving them.
This is huge for me. I’m always working towards my goals. That’s just what I do. And I mean all the time. I enjoy where I’m at. I love the journey. I love the process of growing and expanding and getting to a higher level of awareness and knowledge.
I spoke with one of my clients yesterday where we talked about my goals for my business. And I gave her the goal, and she said, “Well, you’re a really simple person. Why would you want to get your financial goal? Why is it so high?”
And I said, “Well, the financial piece of it is really the result of what happens as a result of the learning and the growth. So who I have to become as a result of achieving the goal is what I’m after. The financial piece is simply going to be indicative of who I’m serving and how many people I get to serve. So it’s just a way to measure my progress.”
But committing to the goal is the key.
I talk to a lot of people who have beautiful ideas for their businesses, who have beautiful wishes, the things that they want to achieve, and they spend their time daydreaming about these things. And my argument for them is always the same. It’s always the same invitation. Take that idea and what does it mean for you to make that into your goal so that you can begin to actualize it?
I talked to a client just last week and I said, “Hey, listen. You have beautiful ideas. Pick one, and let’s work on that so you can actualize the result, so that you can prove to yourself how much you’re truly capable of. Let’s get to work.”
So when someone tells me that they have a dream, I always say, “Let’s turn that. Is it juicy enough for you to say, ‘What do you have to do to make it happen?’ And then let’s do that.”
The fourth thing that I’ve learned is to take action to achieve what I want. Thinking about things all the time doesn’t help you take action. Action allows you to take action.
I spoke to another client who said, “Listen, I just want to get to a place where I feel really good about myself so I can do the things that I want to do.”
And I said to her, “Listen, how about you start doing the things that you want to do and in the process, I have a feeling you’re going to discover how wonderful you are, and you’re going to discover that feeling of love for self because you’re going to feel so empowered because you took action and did the work.”
Action is my thing. There’s nothing that can happen with inaction. I know what it’s like to sit there and meditate to the universe and hope that it’s going to come true. I know what it’s like to sit there and be like “Universe, fill my wallet with hundred dollar bills please” and it not happen. We all that avoidance, by the way.
Taking action leads to actualized results. If you’re training your unconscious mind to achieve success, you’ve got to do the things that are going to make you successful, and then your unconscious mind allows you to then create the blueprint for success that you can simply duplicate over and over again and improve upon as time goes on.
This is how you get from the little goal to the massive goal and make it happen. This is how you start with a little tiny business and build an empire.
The fifth thing that I’ve learned is to love and accept people for who and where they are. This is huge.
I used to be so judgmental, and sometimes I probably still am. But really 90% of the time, I am not. I love people where they’re at, and I love them for who they are.
I talk to clients who have all kinds of viewpoints, who live life in very different ways. Being a coach, especially at this level where I’m really doing deep work with people, you get to find out people’s intricacies and their motivation for doing the things that they do. And at the end of the day, everybody is trying to get to the same place. They’re going about it very different ways, but everybody wants to get to love, a sense of belonging, a sense of acceptance. They want to feel whole.
And they’re doing the things to get there in however it is that they’re doing them. And that applies to every single viewpoint, every single perspective, every avenue of doing it, however it is that they do their relationships, however it is that they do health, however it is that they do business, however it is that they view life in general.
At the end of the day, everybody wants the same thing, so I just appreciate the journey.
And I know that if I can love and accept people for where they are and for who they are, then by default, my unconscious mind is allowing me to experience the same thing because, as I always say, perception is projection.
So if I perceive that people are whole and wonderful and they are just lovely, then I’m sending a message to my unconscious mind that I am that as well.
The sixth thing I learned is to surround myself with people I can learn from. Huge.
I used to love being the big fish in a very small pond because it was really good for my ego. Look, I’m being completely honest with you. It felt so good to be the person who knew more.
That doesn’t allow people to grow, by the way. When we grow, we get vulnerable. We grow when we allow someone to come into our experience and tell us how badly we’re doing the thing that we’re doing, and when we can allow ourselves to fall flat on our faces and learn from there.
I know for a fact that this is what changed my life. When I learned NLP, I seriously lost my confidence. I went in there so confident because I could sell anything to anyone, and I could do it really, really well, and I loved it.
And then I learned NLP, and I felt absolutely inadequate because I was learning from people who had been in that world for 20 and 30 and 40 years. And I was a newbie, and I thought “Who am I to do this? Who am I?”
And it was really that learning process of being able to allow myself to sit in a place and say, “I am not the expert and you are. Teach me what you know so that I can do it really well,” that allowed me to really blossom.
And when I did that, it allowed me to then understand the value that I bring to my business, and that is I have 25 years of business experience that is not NLP-related. So when I marry those two, I can definitely see that value, but I couldn’t have done that if I didn’t allow myself to be vulnerable and become putty in these people’s hands so that I could learn from them.
And now I can tell you that I learn from every single one of my clients. I learn from all the people in my life. I learn from Ron all the time. We’re so different. Our viewpoints are so different, and I learn from him all of the time.
I learn from my children. I allow myself to be the person who doesn’t know now. It feels so good. It is so liberating to be the person who says, “I don’t know. Let’s figure it out.” Where else can I go to learn this thing? This is why I invest in myself constantly and consistently. This is why I have a team of people in my life who are experts at what they do so that they can make me look good when I’m out there doing the things.
This is why I don’t edit my own podcasts. This is why I don’t write every word of copy that you see out there because there are people out there who can take me, my voice, and the things that I do and really share it in a way that aligns with the message that I want to send out. So putting myself in that position has been really empowering.
The seventh thing that I’ve learned here is to commit to lifelong learning. That’s a huge one. For me it’s all about learning to get better and better and better and better and better. And it doesn’t mean that I’m just always getting better and not noticing my growth or enjoying the moment. For me, the learning is the fun. For me, learning is fun.
When someone has a hobby like gardening, or they have a hobby like putting things together that they glue with things — I don’t know about that stuff, but you know what I mean. Like scrapbooking or maybe dance classes or whatever it is, that’s their hobby. For me, my hobby is learning. What can I learn?
And it’s all learning as it relates to self-improvement. It is my joy to do that.
So when I made that commitment, it allowed me to become a better parent — at least I think so. I hope the kids do too. I think it allowed me to become a better partner. It allowed me to become a better friend. And I think it allowed me to become a better coach and teacher and trainer, because I started with NLP, and I love NLP so much. And I love hypnosis, and I love Time Line Therapy®. And I’ve expanded.
Everything here has grown. If you listened to the podcast, over a year ago, you can see that there’s been a tremendous amount of change in here in terms of the messaging. That’s because I have grown with you.
Committing to lifelong learning. Really important.
Now the eighth thing I learned is this one thing that is just so important. Eight, nine, and ten all go together for me. Eight is to embrace that it is up to me. Really embrace that, meaning it’s not going to be up to anybody to come into my life and fix anything for me. Ouch. That hurt.
It’s not me looking at Ron and asking him to change something that I don’t like to see about him so that I can feel better. Nope, it’s not that.
It’s not me looking at my environment and saying, “Well, why aren’t they doing this thing that I wish they could do so they could do the thing that I want them to do so that I know they’re going to feel better in doing it, but I’m going to really feel better in them doing that.” Nope.
There’s going to be nobody who’s going to come in here to save me or get me the life that I want in place or be the person that’s going to be the driver behind me achieving the things that I want to achieve. I have to be that for me.
And it’s knowing that it’s up to me to do the work, that it’s up to me to create the content. It’s up to me to make sure that I create the programs for you. It’s up to me to do the work and lead the effort. It’s up to me, at the end of the day, if nobody is standing by me. It is up to me. And I get to do it. And it is really empowering to be in that position.
It is really empowering to know that it is up to me. This is the definition of being at cause. It’s knowing that I’m in charge of my results and that everything in my experience is a result of my conscious or unconscious choices or both. And that if I don’t like something in my experience, then it’s up to me to change it.
If I don’t like something going on in my life, then it’s about me making the inward turn and saying, “Where can I do some work so that I can have an outer experience that matches the desire inside?”
And the ninth thing that I learned is to persevere. Persevere is the thing. There’s a reason that so few people make it to the top of the game, and perseverance is what got them there. I know very few people who were just “lucky.” I really don’t believe in luck. I believe in opportunity that comes as a result of all of that work beforehand.
But perseverance, there are disappointments in anything. There is disappointment in business. There’s been disappointment in relationships. I’ve had disappointments with my health. I’d had disappointments in all kinds of ways.
But the only thing that I have going for me is that I keep going. Really truly. That I apply all the things that I just shared with you, but I only do that if I keep going.
Even in the moments when I say, “Oh, I don’t want to do today.” Even in those moments, there’s always that little nudge inside that says, “But wait a minute. You have a responsibility now, and you said you were going to do this. So get yourself up from wherever you’re at — whether it’s emotionally or physically — get out of there and get to work and keep going, because I’ve decided that this is what I’m going to do.”
And that keeping going is beautiful for the neurology. It’s a wonderful thing because it allows you to step into your power all the time. And it doesn’t mean that you keep going and you don’t stop to take a break and look back and enjoy. But it means that during hard times, challenging times when things are hard, this is especially when you keep going.
This is not a time to take a break. This is the time to maybe reassess, maybe re-strategize, but keep going nonetheless.
The tenth thing, which to me is the most important thing, which is why I’m here with you today, is to live my purpose. Living my purpose has shifted everything in my life. Life would be very different for me had I not made this shift in my career when I did. And I know that as challenging as it has been — because it is challenging to create a whole new career that you have no idea how to do, and all of a sudden you’re doing it, that is a challenging thing to do.
But I’ve got to tell you that even though it’s been challenging, it’s been absolutely the most fulfilling thing in my life when it comes to my work. It’s allowed me to connect to myself in a way that I never anticipated. It’s allowed me to serve in a way that I never anticipated, and it really makes me truly understand that I am making an impact and that that impact is now expanding.
That’s a powerful thing. And it doesn’t mean that I have all the answers, because I don’t. I’m only one voice. But if one voice can help a person gain new perspective that then allows them to support others in changing their voice or their perspective, guess what… I think that’s a good thing.
So those are my ten things. Super-duper long episode. I hope you have extra time. I hope you did. You have to listen to it in stages.
Thank you so much for being here. That is all I have for you today. I appreciate you to no end for being here with me along the way. I hold you so dear in my heart, and I want nothing but wonderful things for you.
I’m going to ask you to go please rate our podcast. It is really powerful when you do that because then people find out that this is actually a really good thing, and we want more of you on board with us.
You can also join us at the Mind Revolution Podcast Community on Facebook. And go to MindRevolutionPodcast.com to just check in and look at all of our freebies. We have a bunch of episodes in there. If you were to just listen to the episodes in there, I think that you would create shifts in your life. They’re really powerful, all created to have a little tiny reframe for the unconscious mind. Just a little tiny one that if you listen to it consistently as you go on, you’re going to make big shifts. So please go ahead and do that.
Thanks again for being here. I will be holding on to nothing but good thoughts for you until the next time we meet.
I'm Brenda Terry. I'm a personal development trainer and master coach who works with go-getters like you who want to achieve big results in your business and personal life.
If you're excited and ready to play bigger in business and kill it in life, I help you identify and change beliefs, patterns, and behaviors that aren't supporting your goals so you can make more money, find more joy, better manage relationships, and communicate more effectively.
I'm here to help you make the powerful, effective shifts you're craving- faster than you ever thought possible.