TRANSCRIPT

#127 5 Ways to Cultivate Self-Love

TRANSCRIPT

#127 5 Ways to Cultivate Self-Love

Brenda:  Well, hey there. Brenda here. Welcome to this week’s episode of Mind Revolution. I am so very glad you are here. It’s so good to be back. I took a couple of weeks off from recording anything. Typically I would have batched some episodes, but I was in the middle of that 21-Day NLP Abundance Breakthrough, and as I delivered it just as we finished it, I just had nothing left in the tank. And it was so worth it because the 21-Day NLP Abundance Breakthrough, which was a free training, a 21-day event, really did exactly what I had hoped it would do.

 

I wanted to create something that was really meaningful and that was going to be significant. I wanted to create a container where people could come in and, as long as they were invested, they were going to have a full-blown breakthrough by the time we finished. And guess what? They did. Over and over again.

 

There’s never been a moment for me in doing this work, especially when I’m delivering free content, where I have felt most fulfilled, rewarded, uplifted by everybody just so willing to show up for themselves and get in there and do the work. So that’s what I was doing.

 

And at the end of those 21 days, there was just nothing left inside me. I just had to take a moment. So I didn’t. We timed it so that immediately after we finished that process and we welcomed new people into Revolution, that we would go into our integration week, and so I took a few days to just kind of be. And being sometimes is challenging for some of us. For me, it definitely can be, especially after going, going, going, going, there was not a real natural slow-down. It was like a hundred miles an hour and then stop.

 

So I kicked things off for me by going and getting my hair done, and I sat in this beautiful stylist’s chair for hours as she worked on my hair, I felt so good and pampered. You know how good it feels to get your hair massaged as she was washing my hair. And then I asked her, “I think I could come in here and do this at least once a week, for you to come in and just play with my head in such a beautiful way.”

 

And it was really a nice way to step into what we’re going to talk about today. It left me feeling like “When was the last time that I did something just so nice that was just simply caring for myself, that was just a loving gesture towards self?” It had been a while.

 

I’m really good about self-care. I’m really good about managing my state. I’m really good about managing my time. For the most part, I’m really good there. But I think there was something that was happening with me that I didn’t notice, and so it inspired me to create this episode for you because I noticed that at some point — and I don’t know if it happened over the last couple of months or when — I had been giving, giving, giving. You’re familiar with that concept. Taking care of the people in your life, lovingly so, happy to do it, showing up for the people in Revolution, making sure that I’m there for my clients, wanting to be there for our kids as best I can even though at this point they kind of don’t want me there in the same way…. But you know what I mean. Just trying to be there for people and thinking of all the different things that are on the calendar, our schedule, and my schedule for 2022 is pretty much planned — the entire year, not just the beginning part. Not just Q1. All for Qs are in there.

 

And then I realized that there was a thing that was missing. It was just gentle, lovingkindness towards self.

 

It took me aback a little bit because I really had to stop. And I got a little somber. There was some sadness that came over me. I thought, “Oh, my gosh. I haven’t taken care of myself in this way that I want,” where it’s not a self-care like I’m not eating well, I’m not exercising. I’m doing all of those things. I’m not sleeping enough. I’m doing all of that.

 

But this was that tender, gentle, loving, compassionate, internal hug type of care. I started thinking about what it means to be living a life that is meaningful and how what is it that we really want. I’m not saying we as in the whole world, but I’m thinking generally inside, what is it that we want? When it’s all said and done, for what the heck purpose do we want these things?

 

I do think that at the end of it it’s because we want to feel this connection to ourselves that is undeniable. 

 

I have a client who always talks about returning home to her. It’s like this journey has been about returning or coming home to me. Coming home to me. I think that it’s that type of journey. We don’t do that enough. We live in this world where we’re compelled to do and do and do.

 

And I do think that the doing is important. However, we talked about this before and definitely in the podcast, in Revolution and with my coaching clients, and here in the podcast, I always talk about how it’s so important to balance that doing part with the being part so that you can have a having experience that really feels good to you. So I started thinking about self-love and how does it manifest in our lives.

 

Even as I’m telling you this now, I feel myself tearing up because I think of every single one of my clients. I think of every single person that was part of us in that 21-Day NLP Abundance Breakthrough. I think of the people that email me and message me on Facebook or Instagram and that everybody is doing the best that they can. I think of the people that helped me put everything together.

 

When I think of Jacq who is doing all the content things, and I think of Jenny who is doing all the beautiful graphic things, and I think of Maxine, and I think of all of the clients in Revolution. Every time I get a Vox from one of them through Voxer letting me know how they’re doing the best they can. There is this feeling inside me always that I feel like we’re wanting to get somewhere to really have a feeling inside. In a sense, we really are chasing this feeling, and that feeling is wellbeing.

 

And when you think of wellbeing, that we can really truly have that, and I think in the way that it is meant to be and by meant — the way I perceive it, because everybody has different meanings for things — but I think that wellbeing as it is designed, if I think of your connection with your spiritual self, you can’t really have it without self-love.

 

I think self-love is at the core of it. And I think a lot of the times the things that we’re chasing really have to do with us wanting to be in that bubble of goodness that is self-love.

 

One of the things that we talked about in that 21-Day NLP Abundance Breakthrough is that a lot of the times, our self-love, or our concept of self-love, is really linked to a sense of worthiness and how we think that our worthiness is something that is up for debate. And I feel very strongly, and I build everything in terms of the content that I create, in terms of my coaching practice and my Revolution coaching group and anything that I do inside our Facebook community, anything I do inside of Instagram, anything that I do anywhere, anything that I do in the podcast, there is a basic premise here.

 

In NLP, we call these presuppositions. I am assuming always, the assumption here, this is the premise for all of it, is that you are worthy. Period. The worthiness is unquestionable. Whether or not you are connected to that worthiness and feel it, that is usually the thing that is up for debate. But the worthiness is there. [0:09:54]

 

The work for us I feel, as human beings, is to really tune into it because it is there. I don’t think that you have to do X, Y, Z in order to be worthy. I know that sometimes we do things that are not the ideal thing for us to do in the moment, but NLP tells us that every behavior, every behavior has a positive intent. So in other words, even the thing that you do that isn’t the best thing that you can do, you’re doing it because, in some way or another, there is something unconscious telling you that when you do it, you’re going to be able to do better, feel better, live better, have better. Whatever it is, it is for the sake of improvement.

 

And we can definitely have long conversations about the ideal ways to get to that improvement. But ultimately when we look on the other side of that, when you get to the improvement, what are you getting to, really? What are you tapping into? We go back to wellbeing. And we go back to the sense of self that says, “I’m just loving myself in this moment. And I’m loving myself in this moment because I’m tapped into that worthiness part of me, and I’m living it.”

 

As I took that time to reflect, and I promise you it was a couple of days because we haven’t been finished for a week yet, and I’m here recording. But I took a couple of days to really think about it and say, “What does my soul want in this moment?” And it was just a lot of love.

 

Sometimes it seems silly to people. NLP doesn’t really talk about love very much. We talk about outcomes. I think there is an assumption in there that at the end of it, that you do get to love, compassion, and understanding, a lot of flexibility. But we don’t really talk about it.

 

But what I have discovered as I have done so much one-on-one work and now in doing group work, everybody wants the same thing. We all want to get to a place where we just kind of feel good. And the more we discover how to feel good and how to get to a place where we’re at peace with who we are, it doesn’t mean that you’re not going to go after those things that you want, but it is about being at peace with who you are in this moment as you’re making progress, that all of it is so that we can get to a state of being that feels good. It’s so simple. It’s so simple.

 

And in that state of being, you’re going to find things like your confidence, your self-esteem. You’re going to find things in there like “I’m really good at this.” This is where you get to creativity, and you get to create those things that you want.

 

So there is a way to cultivate this, for sure. Because I think that we have this concept of self-love sometimes that is really conditional. I know that we hear it everywhere. You think of self-love. We toss it around all the time. “You have to love yourself more.” And “If you only loved yourself more, you wouldn’t put yourself in those situations.” Or, “You can only love someone else when you love yourself. You have to love yourself first.”

 

And then we ask people, “Why don’t you love yourself more?”

 

We say all these things over and over again. We think of these things, and it’s spot-on, in some ways. Yes, we don’t love ourselves enough a lot of the times. And how do we do it? What does it even look like if you don’t know what you’re looking for? If you’re someone who hasn’t really truly experienced what it’s like to be in that space of self-love, it’s really hard to know what it looks like and what it sounds like and what it feels like.

 

But it is really important to begin to tap into it because it’s just for your wellbeing. And when you are stepping into that space, it allows you to make so much good-for-you decisions. When it comes to things like where you’re going to work, what kind of business you’re going to have, who is going to be your partner in your life, how is that project that you’re working on going to unfold?

 

When you can take self-love and infuse it in all of it, everything is going to work out so much better. It allows you to cope with life in improved ways. It allows you to tackle the problems in front of you because everybody is going to have problems. We’re not robots. We’re not living in this utopian experience. There is going to be things you’re going to have to deal with. But overall, your wellbeing, your welfare, all of it is going to be enhanced when you bring in that quality of self-love.

 

I’d had these conversations with clients over and over again and what we think it’s going to take for us to love ourselves. And sometimes we think it’s going to be that we have to look a certain way. Or sometimes it means that we have to behave a certain way, that we have to speak in a certain way. Yes, and I’m going to say no because you can have all of the external things, but I think that those are the things that usually happen as a result of the self-love.

 

It’s not about doing these things in order to get self-love, although I’m all about multiple ways of getting there. But ultimately, if you make a decision that this is what you want in your life, that you do some things to be able to cultivate it so that you’re doing the work from the inside out.

 

And then what happens as a result is that the outside begins to fill in so nicely. A lot of the times we’re working from the outside in. I’ve got to tell you that I know that we have all heard that it’s better to do it from the inside out, and I’m going to say yes, I agree. And I have witnessed people make significant improvements when they start doing things externally that allow them to cultivate that self-love.

 

The problem a lot of the times is that they don’t know they’re doing it for self-love’s sake. They think that they have to do this in order to be loved. And them being loved is going to allow them to love themselves. So a lot of people are looking for someone to love or for someone to love them when you have the ruby slippers on. You have the power right this minute to start doing it.

 

When we get in here, I think you discover that self-love is not just a state of feeling good. It is about being in appreciation of yourself that as you’re doing that can inspire you to take action that will support your emotional, physical, and your spiritual wellbeing. And when I think about your growth, that this is where you can do it in a way that feels easier, more effortless. 

 

It’s like being sturdy inside and getting your resources, your strength, your power and then taking action. And I just want to make it clear as I said this over and over again, I do talk to clients who are like “I’m just getting to a place where I’m ready.” Well, that’s not how we all get ready. You’ve got to do some things. So start taking some things so you can help your unconscious mind to get more ready. So continue to take action even if it’s small action as long as you have that intention in your mind.

 

Yes, it is a combination of external and internal things that are going to help us get there.

 

And what’s going to happen is that when you really begin to start doing the things that I’m going to share with you here — there are five things — to cultivate self-love, I think you’re going to find out that as you begin to implement these things, these five little ways that you can do it, it’s going to be much easier for you to accept who you are and really own your strengths and see those things that, in this moment, you may look at as weaknesses as just points that you can improve upon.

 

In doing this, I think this will stop this pattern that is so disempowering in its tracks. That’s that pattern of comparison where people are really looking at the world and they’re saying, “I’m not as good as…” And it’s going to be because they are seeing something outside of themselves where they’re like that end result looks really good. I’m not even there yet.

 

Well, you’re seeing the end result. You haven’t seen the journey. We’re looking at the “This is how I did it” part, or “This is what I did. Here’s my outcome.” And you’re right now at the beginning of your journey. So there is nothing to compare there at all. And also to know that your journey is going to be different than anybody else’s and that there is validity to your journey. There is power there. There is purpose there.

 

Whether the purpose for you is going to be for your own development, for your own growth, for your own satisfaction, or whether you want to do this and at the same time include other people, meaning you want to influence others, you want to make an impact, you want to coach, you want to help, whatever it is that you want to do, I don’t care. For me, it’s that ultimately that journey relevant. It’s important, and it is necessary because we are all contributors to the expansion of our entire consciousness.

 

So however you get there, I’m good with it. But ultimately, I think you’re going to really find out that when you go through this process, you’re going to be able to connect to a sense of appreciation for yourself that allows you to take action that is inspiring and that supports you in moving forward, that supports you in your growth.

 

I think that you’ll know that the more self-love that you get to cultivate the easier it’s going to be for you to bring into your experience the circumstances, the events, the resources, all of the support that are going to allow you to propel you further on that path. It really is just how the brain works. We know this as the reticular activating system.

 

What you focus on expands. I know, the law of attraction says it, but the how of law of attraction is going to be your RAS, your reticular activating system. It’s in your brain directly connected to the things that you see consciously and unconsciously. You don’t have to consciously see everything in order for your unconscious mind to get ahold of it. That’s why it’s so important for you to be really mindful of the things that you are around, the conversations that you’re having, the things that you’re seeing. And really mindful of the feelings that you’re feeling.

 

Here we go. Five ways to cultivate self-love. And you will. And this is not about doing all of it at the same time, by the way. That’s one of our problems. That we want to be perfect. There is no such thing as perfection. You are perfect as a human being. 100% you are. Perfection in terms of doing things and getting to places, no such thing. You can only make progress. You can only do better today than you did yesterday if it’s available.

 

So here we go. Five ways to cultivate self-love.

 

Number one, most important thing is to have self-awareness. I talk about awareness so much. If you’re a regular listener, you know this by now. Self-awareness. This is about you being able to identify and just simply know what it is that you’re thinking, what it is that you’re feeling, what it is that you’re wanting, and really becoming aware of who you are and just being curious about it so that when you just simply become aware, this is not about judging the things that you’re thinking and feeling or even judging the things that you’re wanting at all. A lot of times people judge those things. “I shouldn’t be thinking that. I shouldn’t be feeling that. I shouldn’t be wanting that.”

 

This is about awareness. Don’t judge it. And this is also, when it comes to self-awareness, the things that you believe. Simply say, “Alright, I see you. There it is.” We know so much about the brain. You know by now about neuroplasticity, that you have the power to change your brain. You do. You have the power to create new neural networks that allow you to create the thoughts, the emotions, the beliefs, and even the desires, the things that you want that align with your development, that align with the things that you want in your world, that align with that self-love experience. The more that you really tune into who you are and get really curious… Because it is your life, by the way.

 

I know, people are always thinking that “Oh my gosh, I shouldn’t be so self-absorbed.” I hear this all the time from clients. “How long do I have to be thinking about what I’m thinking?” 

 

I don’t know. For as long as it takes until you can come out of there and really begin to notice and look around. But if you haven’t ever taken the time to make an introspective inward turn, then, my friend, at some point you’re going to have to do it unless you want life to be dictating terms to you instead of you designing the life experience you want.

 

So you take the time. You’re just simply aware. I call this a NET experience, no extra time. You’re just simply walking around, you’re having the thoughts, you’re having the feelings, you’re having the beliefs, you’re noticing what you want, and all you have to do is simply does, “Does this serve me?”

 

And if it serves you, then continue on. And if it doesn’t, then begin to do the work to simply question it. And you can talk to your unconscious mind. I do it all day long. And my clients are learning to do it all day long, and people in our 21-Day NLP Abundance Breakthrough are beginning to do it too. It’s so cool. You can just simply say, “Hey, unconscious mind, I don’t think that this helps me achieve the goals that I want to achieve, so how about you bring into my experience the suggestions in my space that tell me otherwise. Show me the things that are really good, healthy, and positive for me, and erase and reject and delete absolutely everything else. Just let me see the good stuff. We already know this is there. It’s right there. I already know it. I’ve lived it so long. So how about something different? Let’s put a new record on, and let’s start playing that over and over again until I get it that I have more choices.”

 

And so that you begin to understand that you are in control of those thoughts and those emotions and definitely those beliefs and those things that you’re wanting.

 

The second way to cultivate self-love is to practice loving, compassionate self-care. So important.

 

Notice that I said loving and compassionate. There is self-care where people sometimes are just kind of punitive about it where they’re like “I have to sleep nine hours a night. I have to go to the gym five days a week. I have to follow this very strict diet. I cannot have any of those things. I will never have dessert. I will only do this one thing because it’s really good for my body, and I will only have herbal teas and never a glass of wine.” That kind of self-care doesn’t really help us a lot of the times because there is an underlying tone of “If you do it another way outside of this, you’re doing it wrong and you’re actually hurting yourself.” All of this is communicated to the unconscious mind.

 

What we want to do is practice big-picture loving compassionate self-care. A lot of the times when people are learning to practice loving compassionate self-care is when they learn to develop self-trust because it’s not about having a set way of doing things. It’s about gauging what it is that you need to do for yourself, what’s going to best serve you in that moment-to-moment experience. 

 

So self-care is going to include things like, yes, getting plenty of sleep, eating nutritious food.

 

It also includes doing your mindset work so that you are in a feel-good state the majority of the time. So that means that if something is happening in your day and all of a sudden you feel negative emotions coming up that you give yourself the breather so that you can let your mind rest, calm your body down, even if it’s just a few deep breaths that you take in there, and then you just simply remind yourself, “Hey, I love you. I love me.” 

 

I know it sounds cheesy. I know. And do it anyway.

 

It’s not about looking in the mirror and saying, “I love you,” although I have a client who does that, and she swears by it. But it is about reminding yourself that you’re doing the best you can, that you’re doing the best you can, and also in that loving, compassionate self-care, for me, I think we have an episode about the five things I do to make it a great day.

 

Practicing those things really has taught me to make it really awesome days every day. It really is about the practice and consistency in doing it. But loving, compassionate self-care means that you are simply going to say yes to you more often.

 

And it will be interesting to see this, by the way, because what happens with clients when they first come in, they’re also so busy. They’re like “I’m so busy. I’m so busy. I can’t do this.” And their tasking is to practice self-care, number one most important thing, and then tend to everything else.

 

And then all of a sudden they’re doing so much more stuff because you’re training your brain. If you’re not practicing self-care consistently, your brain doesn’t think it’s important to you. So therefore, guess what? It’s not important to you. You won’t make time for it. But if you practice self-care and you teach your brain that self-care, compassionate and loving self-care is important to you, then all of a sudden, your brain is going to make room for it.

 

And if you tell your brain, “This is really important to me, and also answering my emails is really important, and tending to my business, and being here for my family, that is also important…”

 

What you’re going to find over time is that as you practice, you invest your time in doing the things that are important to you, there is going to be some redundancies that are going to fall off. There are going to be things that are going to fall off. All of a sudden you’re going to find more time. All of a sudden you’re going to be able to put things together, and some things that were on the calendar, before you know it, just won’t be on the calendar anymore. And people think it’s always so strange the way that it works. And it looks strange to the naked eye. But when you understand a little bit about how your brain works, it totally makes sense.

 

If you make time for the things that are important to you, you’re going to have space to do those things. It just happens.

 

Moving on to the third way to cultivate self-love. That is for you to take responsibility for your wellbeing. And that’s full responsibility. There are all kinds of ways that we can be responsible for ourselves.

 

Here I’m talking about your emotional wellbeing and taking responsibility for that. That’s usually the first, most important thing that you can do. Your physical wellbeing and being responsible for that. Spiritiual wellbeing and being responsible for that.

 

Anything that is related to your progress in terms of the goals that you want to achieve, the results that you want to have in your life, being responsible for that.

 

And this doesn’t mean blame, by the way. Taking responsibility is very different. It just simply means that you are in charge of you. And so this will allow you to do the best that you can do and, as a result, be able to find support in the areas where you’re wanting or needing support. So here is what I mean by that.

 

One of the big things that I learned in my life and for my relationships was to be responsible for myself emotionally. This meant having this notion in my mind that people didn’t make me feel anything, that I felt something as a result of them doing something or saying something.

 

That was a huge game-changer for me. Nobody here is making me feel a thing. And I know that we’ve heard this before, but to live it in your body is pretty frickin’ mind-blowing to say, “Alright, Ron, you just said something that really ticked me off, but” I look at him as he’s my unconscious mind, so I always think, “Obviously, I’m thinking something along these lines, or there is something inside me that I’m kind of running that is along these lines.”

 

So no longer do I get mad at him for saying the thing that ticks me off. Instead, I just politely leave the room sometimes, or I just simply look at it and be like “Alright, thanks for that. Thanks for the feedback.” And I do whatever I have to do to feel better.

 

And sometimes that means sitting in my office and just kind of pondering it for a moment, and I can do a few rounds of EFT, and I can do time techniques to release some stuff. And before I do that, I check-in and say, “So what is this an example of for me? What is it that this is telling me inside?”

 

Usually I’ll land on something that’s quite big-picture, and it will sting. Like maybe I’m not believing in myself when it comes to this project or this thing that I’m doing. And then I do that work. And then I go have a conversation with him. But usually hardly ever, ever about the thing that he said. I just go back to, “What are we having for dinner?” Because it’s not about him to make me feel better.

 

Sometimes if I feel like it was overly insensitive I’ll say something, but I’ll say it from this place of logic, no longer emotion because I’ve tended to my emotional parts.

 

The same thing with nutrition.

 

The same thing with your physical fitness.

 

The same thing with your goals.

 

If you can look at the world as your mirror and the things that you are wanting to do are all there and available for you, and the way that you’re not doing them is simply just giving you information to let you know, “Alright, you’re running something here that in this moment is preventing you from going for it. So what is it that you can do instead?”

 

Because sometimes it’s not about finding out the thing that’s bugging you or the thing that’s keeping you from moving forward. It’s simply, alright, “I’m not taking action, so let me take just a little bit of action so I can give my unconscious mind the information that we’re taking action now.” It’s just really simple things. It’s simply things.

 

Like the gym is there for you, and it’s not the gym’s fault that you choose not to go there. It’s like when my clients tell me, “I’m having such a hard time sleeping.”

 

I said, “Alright, what time are you going to bed?”

 

“Late.”

 

“What are you going to do? Someone has to go to bed early. I have a feeling that it would be you because it’s your sleep that’s right now compromised.”

 

So here, when you’re taking responsibility for your wellbeing, you are at cause. This allows you to step into your empowerment. When you can take charge — and it doesn’t mean that you don’t love the people in your world. It doesn’t mean you don’t share your stuff with them. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have their support. It just simply means that you’re carrying your own load.

 

And this allows you to discern and decide whether or not the load that you’re carrying is heavy, too heavy for you, or you can add on more. It’s so important for us to get to those places where we know exactly what we’re willing to take on. And I always think I’m only going to take on the thing that I can carry on my own, and I know that I’m going to get support along the way.

 

And I bring this to my work, and it really has served me. I’ve had chats with people about, “How do you know that you’re going to do it?”

 

I said, “Because I said I was going to do it. And therefore, there’s no other option.”

 

It allows me to stay in-state. It allows me to say, “We’re doing it. 21 days, going live just about every day, creating a bunch of content all the time, a bunch of audios. I said I would, so I’m doing it.” And guess what? I did.

 

But it could have only happened by me taking that responsibility for myself. And I wasn’t like this all the time either. There were a lot of times in the past where I was really great at starting things but never finished a dang thing. So this is something you can work on, and even if you decide “I’m going to be responsible for one thing today and that is my emotional wellbeing,” and so that means when someone says something that bothers you or you’re being bothered by something that you know that you have the power to go in and change it.

 

And you can change it by doing all kinds of things. We have a bunch of freebies that talk about how you get over that emotional stuff. Just because you’re feeling it, it doesn’t mean that it’s so powerful. It means that you’re giving it a lot of power. And so you can always find a way to feel even a little bit better.

 

Here we go. The fourth way to cultivate self-love is for you to set some dang healthy boundaries. This is the hardest, most challenging things for people a lot of the times. This is about learning to say yes when it’s appropriate and when to say no when it’s appropriate. It’s not about being so rigid to where you always say no to things because whatever, we’re rigid. And it isn’t about saying yes to everything because you don’t want to hurt people’s feelings, and you want to people please.

 

This is about finding a balance and that first and foremost, you honor yourself. And you do this, by the way. Setting healthy boundaries is so powerful, so strong, and such a great message for your unconscious mind. If you can, for self, a simple boundary that you can set for yourself every day…

 

For example, I have a client that says that she makes her bed every single day. It’s really important for her. And it just became something that she decided to do so that she could create consistency in her life. Really simple.

 

Make my bed every day. No matter what, I make my bed every day. Something like that.

 

If it means that you every day you’re going to go for a 20-minute walk, that you simply do that. If it means that every day for a week you’re going to say “No soda,” whatever it is, that’s what it is.

 

If it means that every single day I’m going to write something because I want to write this book, because I want to create this email sequence, because I want to write the copy on my website, that every day I’m going to write for 30 minutes. Whatever it is.

 

You set that boundary for yourself. Really, really important.

 

And learning to say yes and no to requests from other people when it’s appropriate, you can do this by using what we know as the ecology frame in NLP which is really simple. You take the thing that’s in front of you, and you say, “Is this is going to be good for me?” And when it’s going to be good for you, you want to make sure that it’s good for you before, during, and after. After it’s done, you know it’s really good for you.

 

If you get a yes, that means you go ahead and go for it.

 

Then you’re going to ask “Is this going to be good for the people directly involved?” If it’s a yes, then you go for it. Again, before, during, and after.

 

And then you ask, “Is this going to be good for the people directly involved with those people that are directly involved in this thing?” And if it’s a yes, you go forward.

 

If you get a no at “It’s not good for me,” then you simply don’t do it. And you can also look for other ways to do where it’s going to be good for you. This is how you find those win-win scenarios.

 

Setting healthy boundaries is so important, so critical. It sends messages to your unconscious mind that you matter. Really important for you being able to cultivate that self-love.

 

And then the last thing to do, the fifth way for you to cultivate self-love is to always celebrate. I know. When I tell people that, it’s like “We just got to keep going.” I know. I know. I know. But we want to be able to celebrate your moments.

 

If you were to practice one of these five things, really practicing self-awareness piece, practicing loving, compassionate self-care or taking responsibility for your wellbeing — which, by the way, all of these things are — setting healthy boundaries that if you do any of those things that you can celebrate every time that you do, that at the end of the day you can even make a little list. Writing is so important for the mind. Make a little list of the things that you are celebrating about your progress today.

 

Every day.

 

Or even in the moment when you feel like “Yay, something great happened,” that you can take a moment. You pause, and you really own it.

 

People lose sight of the value of celebration for your unconscious mind. Remember that your unconscious mind is like a little kid, a little one that is just looking to you for information. And if you do something amazing and you tell your unconscious mind nothing, then your unconscious mind doesn’t have the information whether or not this was an awesome thing or not an awesome thing. It’s almost like a random thing.

 

But if you tell your unconscious mind, “Yes, and more of this please. Thank you so much, unconscious mind. More of this, more of this, more of this,” then it makes it easier for your unconscious mind to set whatever needs to be in place — all the resources, the opportunities, the circumstances, the consequences, the conversations, all of those things in place. All of the opportunities — in order for you to have more of the same.

 

So celebrating whenever you get those good things, what a wonderful gift that is, not only for you and for you to cultivate that self-love but to train your unconscious mind to give you more of the same.

 

That is all I have for you today. I think you’re fabulous. I just want you to know that. I am super excited to be back here with you. We have so many amazing things happening. I cannot explain how excited I am. We have NLP Sales School. It’s going to be an 8-week intense program. Amazing program to support you in being this master influential closer and human. It’s all about understanding language and how to use it really effectively. It’s so much about learning about self. What a beautiful program it’s going to be. That’s going to be starting soon. I want you to go to the website and check it out. 

 

We also have NLP Coach School coming early next year. This is for a master coach certification. I have been wanting to do this for a long time. It’s one of those big bites that I took that I was like “Can I chew this?”

 

And yes, I can. And we’re doing it. It’s going to be a 9-month long program, and we’re so excited. We’re thrilled. I couldn’t have done it without all the people that support me and believe in me in delivering this to you. So thank you for just hanging out with me and being here with me and listening to the words. It means so much.

 

As always, I’m going to ask you to rate and review our podcast. Your iTunes seriously help us get this message out to people. Every time I hear from random people that message me and say, “Hey, thank you. I listened to that one episode,” or “I’m listening to this other one,” and there is a ripple effect. There is a benefit that’s happening.

 

And this is totally free. I designed this to support you on your quest, on your journey. So please share it and leave those reviews. We absolutely love and appreciate a five-star review, and more importantly, we want your honest review, for sure. Go and check things out. We have a quiz. We have the show notes. Inside we have the NLP Selling Series. It’s still going strong. Go and check it all out.

 

I am so excited to share this space with you. Like I said, everything here is for you. So if you have any suggestions, anything you want us to talk about, please go to SoulfulNLP.com. Go to the Revolution page, or just send us a message, and we’ll put it in here for you.

 

Thank you so much for being here. I’m going to be thinking nothing but good thoughts for you until the next time we meet.

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