#128 Creating a Life You Can Love Right Now


#128 Creating a Life You Can Love Right Now

Brenda:  Well, hey there. Brenda here. Welcome to this week’s episode of Mind Revolution. I am so very glad you are here today. It’s almost that time of year again where the holidays are coming around. We’re preparing to close down 2021. I think a lot of us hoped that things maybe would have been better by now in some ways. For some people, it’s been really, really good, and everybody is ready or preparing for 2022.


I think the end of year, it’s kind of natural that we go a little internal and introspective and examine the year and examine the things that we’re doing and how we’re doing them.


I’ve been meeting more and more people around here where I live and have had some beautiful chats with business owners, for the most part, and also some conversations with people who are in the workforce and how the entire pandemic, how that was this life-changing event for so many people, for obvious reasons.


People have had to contend with what it meant to have Covid and how it’s changed their lives, and I have clients who have been definitely affected by that or have lost people to that. And then you have the issues with people wanting to get vaccinated and those that don’t want to be vaccinated and how each of those things carries with it this thinking and emotions, beliefs, behavior. And we’re divided in so many ways still.


And I think that that division, yes, it’s happening outside, but if NLP and what it teaches about the mind — and it’s so consistent — then in this moment, whatever is happening in the world is really simply a mirror for what’s happening within each of us individually. Not exactly but a dynamic that is present.


I remember when the shutdown first happened, right before, everything Covid was coming out to the surface. I still had a physical office that people came to see me, and they would travel to come see me. It was so cool. I had people that were local that would come in to see me for our appointments. So I literally went to a place of work as opposed to working from home.


And so I remember this client coming in, and she was so self-assured that this whole thing was going to blow over at the beginning of the shutdown, that the whole thing was going to blow over within a couple of weeks.


The thought in my mind immediately was let’s say that it’s a couple of weeks. Let’s say that it’s a month. How long can small businesses survive without the influx of revenue, without that cash flow and customers? I think of my favorite coffee shop that was there, my favorite restaurant that I used to go to that are no longer there. They’re not there because this happened. And the aftermath of that…


And this client was like “It’s going to be nothing. Don’t even worry about it.” And then not even a month later, everybody was just kind of in despair in what we had to go through in order to really make it through and how we’re changed as a result, how everybody is changed. Everything is changed. Everything is different.


What I’m finding is that this experience has compelled a lot of us, a lot of people to really begin to question our choices and our way of living, our way of life, the way that we live in that moment-to-moment experience, all that hustle and the grind and the hassle that comes along with all of it.


Now as I’m looking at employers here, even for us, we were looking for people to come do some work at our house, and it was really hard to find them. I literally called so many people that we were connected to, and everybody is starting their own businesses. This is what I’m finding. Not everybody. Not everybody. But a lot of people are. Or they’re making new career choices. Change is just in the air. It’s just there. People are wanting more.


I met a couple of people over the last weeks, and they were saying that they are restructuring their businesses completely to accommodate a workforce that simply isn’t there like it used to be. The things that they’re having to do to attract people in their experiences and how many people are leaving their jobs because they’re wanting something more.


I so get it because I did that. I’ve done that. And like I said, I’ve had two big career changes that led me to this moment in time, and I’m so grateful for them.


And I think that for me, when I did it, I didn’t do it from a place of resourcefulness. I did it because I was escaping the pain that I was in where I was at. And I think some people are doing that here.


What I want to share with you today is about how is it that you can create a life that you love right this minute that can allow you to open the opportunities for what you’re wanting to create. In other words, you’re not going to be where you want to be right now, but how can you support yourself in creating a neurological environment… That doesn’t sound sexy does it? I know. But how do you create that environment internally so that you can begin to see the effects of it in your world?


Because here’s the big problem. A lot of people want to escape. They want to leave the thing that they’re doing. They’re like “I can’t take it anymore.” I know. I was there too. I can’t take it anymore.


And so they think that jumping ship is going to help them get there.


And sometimes it does. Don’t get me wrong. For me, when I left my previous company, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I just knew that this was what I wanted to do, what I’m doing right now. Not podcasting but definitely being in this space and coaching and teaching NLP and doing all NLP things and helping people get better because it was such a life-changing thing for me, that I found improvement so quickly that it felt like a pot of gold. It felt like a literal goldmine that I thought, “Oh my gosh. Everything is in here.” And I just couldn’t do it anymore.


And I had a direction to go to. I really wanted to go to this place that, to me, was like a land where NLP existed, and I just lived it. And it wasn’t just NLP things. I do so much more than NLP, but NLP was the foundation, and I could really sink my teeth into the principles and live them and eventually coach and teach with them. So that’s what I did.


But I find that a lot of people don’t know. They just simply want to go somewhere, but they don’t know where they’re going. They just want to escape the thing that they’re in, whatever the place is, whatever the situation is.


All of us are on this journey. You’re going to figure it out for yourself. I keep telling my clients, “You’re a grown woman, a grown man, a grown person, you will be able to make your own decisions.” I always caution people against running though. I always caution people against running away from things without having an idea of what it is that they want.


I literally had a client who I talked to on Friday, she was like “I can’t do it anymore. I’m giving my notice, and I don’t care.”


I said okay. She’s like “I’m starting my business now.” And she did. She put everything in place to be able to start her business. It’s something that she’s been wanting to do for a while. What happened is that she stayed at her job a little too long. She hadn’t taken action. And she’s super young, by the way. Not that I would expect anyone that young to be able to do that, but she’s just amazing. So therefore, she just took action. But she’s like “I’m just giving my notice. I’m done.”


And so it’s okay to do those things if you can have some sort of game plan and you have internal resources. And by internal resources, I mean that you are inside feeling congruent, that you feel strong, that you have the confidence in you, and that, yes, you could have the fear but that you know that you can overcome it and that hopefully, you have a strong support system that supports you in making those decisions.


Because I think that what’s happening now is that we are just kind of tired of the way that things have been. And I always say this when I talk about values. This is not a values conversation, but really that’s how values level thinking works. If you live in any Western country, for the most part, you’re going to be in what we know as values level four, which means there is a system in place. And you’re supposed to operate within that system, and there are a lot of rules there, a lot of self-righteousness there. There is a lot of guilt there if you don’t do things as they’re supposed to be done there. Sometimes there is shaming there. But typically you have to live within a box, and you can only live in that box. If you come out of the box, then you don’t belong.


This is where we live.


I think as people had to isolate, we had to gain new resources, and you did. So what’s happening to us as a whole is that our nervous systems — I talked about coping mechanisms when I trained in values — and that is that the nervous system expanded to accommodate whatever the heck was going on during that whole Covid shutdown, and everything that’s had to happen sense, and that divide that took place in our world where people were picking sides.


I just watched a documentary about the beautiful state of Kentucky and how you had a state so divided during the Civil War that children were fighting their parents with guns. They were killing each other. Siblings were killing each other because they were so stuck in their belief system that they couldn’t open up their minds or their hearts to the other. And doesn’t it sound like that’s kind of where we are now in a totally different context?


Here we’re talking more about the beliefs that we’re living and the way that we’re expressing them, but it just was like wait a minute. I have clients who aren’t speaking to other family members because of their beliefs, for sure. I have people in the world that have completely shut themselves off, and they feel isolated because of their beliefs. I know people who have been shamed because of their beliefs.


This is where we’re living. So the nervous system — nothing was on the surface. Everything that happened as a result of Covid forced people to get new resources. And all of a sudden, what do you have? You have an existential crisis. People are questioning whether what they have is really what they want. And if it’s a no, then they begin to wonder what they want. And they start searching. And I find that all to be very, very good. I think it’s great. I love it.


And I think that what’s happening though is sometimes we don’t have the resources to get there. But I think at the end of the day, what we’re wanting is more meaning, more purpose, and more joy. Really simple things.


Because even when you want to achieve more, when you want to have that business, if you have the success that you want, if you want to have that ideal relationship — all those things, all the money, whatever it is that you want…


I think that what’s happening now with people is that they’re waking up to the fact that what we’re truly longing for is to have the bandwidth to slow down, to rest, to relax, to create. I think it’s creative energy that we’re really seeking.


So this is about creating an environment where there is plenty of comfort and joy and peace while working to achieve the bigger results, where the status quo just doesn’t work anymore. People are people. And we’re staking a claim in our individuality and saying “I am more than this thing, the person that works behind the counter.” “I’m more than the teacher,” or the nurse or the document or even the coach. “I’m more than the computer programmer.”


I have a client who is an engineer, and he’s like “People think that’s all I do.” On the other side, he’s so creative. He does amazing things, but he’s “And I’m not doing it anymore.”


Ultimately, I think a lot of times what we’re missing is that we’re living in this chase of going after this thing that we want, but in the moment, we really are efforting so much that we miss the big point. I speak this only from the point of view of your unconscious mind and what it takes to train your unconscious mind to make it easier for you because if we’re thinking that we have to struggle, then you will.


What I would love for you to think instead is to know that creating the life that you really love, really asks of you that you make today, like this moment, one that really feels alive, invigorating, that nourishes you, that empowers you, that it is about the moment-to-moment experience.


Because when you create this life that you really love, it has to begin in your now. The power is in the now. This isn’t about waiting to get there. This is about now. What can you do now to love yourself even more? It’s about making space for the person that is really the you that is really you that is unfolding.


I think that a lot of what has happened, it has forced us to question ourselves and question our choices. I’m finding that more and more people are tuning into themselves and asking the question, “Who the heck am I? And what do I want?”


To begin to look inward, what a beautiful thing that is. I talked about that in last week’s podcast episode. You begin to tune into that and make the most of your moment-to-moment experience, and you do this one day at a time. And this is how you set yourself up for success.


This is long-term success. This is lifelong success. This is you being able to build upon today so that tomorrow you’re going to have better footing and the next day even more so and eventually life is just going to be what you wanted it to be. This is about anchoring yourself in your daily life, in the daily moment-to-moment experience in a way that is full of self-love and meaning, in a way that is fulfilling so that you can pursue those big goals, and you’re doing so on the solid foundation that you make your moment-to-moment experience the most important experience that you can have.


This isn’t about waiting for later to feel better. This is about how do I do it now? How can I find the joy now?


And I know that so many people are struggling still. And even outside of the pandemic, I had clients who were not affected so much, but they still have struggles. They still have to deal with things. Those struggles are real. They’re real.


And they can be hurting you in this moment, emotionally hurting you. Maybe even physically hurting you.


I have a client who is recovering still, a year later. And it was so hard to watch. She was still showing up for coaching and to see the effect this has had on her entire world is pretty jarring. You see it. It’s in front of you.


What happens is that at some point, when something happens that feels totally unfair, it makes us question what the heck we’re doing. But the power is really in the now. This is about you pursuing those things that you want from a place of wholeness now because when you’re working with your unconscious mind — because you are all the time. You’re doing it consciously and unconsciously — it really needs to blueprint to follow.


We know that the unconscious mind holds within it the blueprint for how you do it now. And if how you’re doing things now doesn’t feel good or it feels… I think of the words that I’ve heard in the last couple of weeks, like scary, to make big changes. The uncertainty that comes from “Am I really going to get the thing that I want? Is it really possible for me to have it?” The guilt for leaving the thing that you know behind and the leap of faith that’s being asked of you to step into the unknown.


All of it you’re training your unconscious mind. And there is no way that you can simply be 100% positive and tell your unconscious mind that everything is going to be okay because that’s not how it works. This is about your unconscious mind learning, literally creating new neural pathways for you to create this life you want.


The neural pathways, it’s like the expansion of the map. NLP talks about the map not being the territory, and the map being how you know your life experience now, the map being your version of reality.


When you create new neural networks, new neural pathways inside your brain, inside your body, this leads you to expand what you know.


It’s like creating something totally new. It is like baking a cake. What you put in there is going to be in there.


When you’re thinking about creating a life that you love, and if you want to do this in a way that’s going to be resourceful and good for you, there is this call inside you that, when you decide to make this happen for yourself, that you take decisive action because I think that in here there is an insistance. Almost like you must do something today that will add to the foundation that you want for tomorrow. And then tomorrow you do it again so that as the days add up to weeks, and then those weeks add up to months, and then those months add up to years, you’re going to realize that you really love your life and that you’ve loved it the entire time.


This is so fulfilling and empowering. And you can make all of it delightful and fun.


Creating this life that you really want and loving it in the now can be really simple, and it can be really complex for sure as you’re choosing to take actions that are going to propel you forward. They’re going to propel you in that direction of the thing that you want. But it is about that moment. It is about that moment. And how can you choose to feel better right now? 


We talked about this. I forgot which episode, but we’ll put it in there for you. It’s about managing your emotions and leveraging the power of your emotions to create more of what you want. Because when you can manage that…


Everything that we did in our 21-Day NLP Abundance Breakthrough was all about, number one most important thing, my friend, you manage your state. There was a whole big series. We had 10 trainings, and we had five Q&As, and we had the PDFs, we had writing assignments, we had audios, and they had tasking. And their tasking, new one most important tasking for their days was to feel good. That was it. Just feel good. Manage your state. Everything else is going to really work itself out. Manage your state. Show up for the trainings or watch the replays, and watch it unfold. And you know how? Big, frickin’ breakthroughs for everyone that was able to do that.


Everybody that checked in that was in this with us, oh my gosh… Because they focused in the moment. They focused on what they wanted to feel. They allowed themselves the break to feel better.  


And they did. And that was it, and they showed up for the trainings, and all of a sudden, whoa, more money. Whoa, more clients. Oh, my gosh, I’ve never felt better in my life.


Why? Because we did it consistently for 21 days. So I’m telling you that when you do this thing right here, this how to do it, there are five steps, how to do it, you’re going to feel so much better. 


This is about you loving your now. And you cannot be resenting the now and creating a beautiful future. It doesn’t work like that for your unconscious mind. Can you do it eventually? Yes, but it’s going to be efforted, and it’s going to be exhausting, and it can really drag you down, and it can really slow the progress for you.


So here we go. Five things that are going to allow you to create a life that you can love right now.


Number one. Write it out. Write it out. That means what does a life that you would absolutely love look like, feel like, and sound like to you? What are the things that you would see there? What are the things that you would hear there? What emotions would you feel as this is happening? What would it feel like?


It’s important that as you’re writing it out, as I tell all of my clients, write it in toward language. That means stop talking about all the things that you don’t have to do anymore and that you don’t have to worry about. Don’t do that.


The problem with the unconscious mind is that the unconscious mind is going to look at worry, not don’t worry. So that means talk about the things that it’s going to do for you. What is it going to make you feel as you’re living it? What does it look like? What conversations are you having there? Writing it out so much helps so much because you know what it does? Writing helps your brain create those new neural pathways, and it really does open your mind to the possibilities and the opportunities that are there.


If in this moment you’re not living that life you want, then chances are that your unconscious mind doesn’t have the full blueprint yet.


I know this sounds strange, but believe me, just try it. It works. Just create it. Play with it. Have fun with it. Have it be amazing and beautiful, and then read it. Read it in a week later, and you’re going to be like “I want to change this, and I want to change that. And that thing already happened.” It just happens. You want to give your brain a chance to work with you and the things that you want. That’s step one.


Step two, look for ways that you can cultivate self-love and self-care into your moment-to-moment experience. We did a whole episode about this last week. So go check that one out.


How can you cultivate self-love and self-care in that moment to moment? Go listen to that episode because we mentioned some things. But really it comes down to in the moment when you’re feeling like you’re not getting enough of something, then it’s important for you to give it to yourself and just simply say, “How do I give this to myself now?” And just do that a little at a time.


Remember that giving something to yourself, I always say that it’s important that you know it’s going to be good for you, and it’s going to feel good for you before, during, and after. So that after it’s done, you know that you did something that’s going to propel you forward. Sometimes the best thing is to do nothing. Resting. Take a moment.


I keep trying to convince my clients to take momentary breaks throughout the day. Don’t go all day. Take five minutes. That’s why we created, for our NLP Abundance Breakthrough, the little five-minute audios. Pop them in, and all of a sudden, you’re going to be like “Oh, that feels so good.”


Your brain does better when you give it a break. So things like that.


Step three, or the third thing you can do — you can do it in steps, but I really do think that this works in steps, but you can also do it individually. Think about all the things you can do to make your present moment more enjoyable and fulfilling.


I know. Listen, I only teach the obvious. How can you make this moment more enjoyable and fulfilling? I’ll tell you, for me, how this shows up, especially in my relationship because, like I said, Ron is so much unconscious mind. So when I am not feeling good, then all of a sudden, he’ll say something that will really tick me off. So I always know that it’s just me. It’s not him because if I’m feeling good, he’s just delightfully delightful.


Sometimes if I’m feeling off and we’re going somewhere and I’m in the car and my thinking would be like “I’m just going to sit here and stew in it for a moment,” and I know it’s not good for me, but I’m just going to be in here. I’m trying to find ways to feel better, but I don’t really know what I’m feeling, and I’m like ick.


In that moment, I even just simply look to him. I’ll touch his face, or I’ll touch his head, or I’ll hold his hand, and I just tell him how much I love him. And he’s like “Do, do, do, do, do, do, do,” which usually means he’s not thinking of anything. He’s just like “Alright, I guess you’re done with your moment.”


And it really is just kind of simple. How can I make this moment even better. When I’m having a moment that doesn’t feel so good, then it’s something like that. Sometimes it’s just simply taking a few breaths, and that feels good. And then I can move on.


Sometimes it’s popping in one of those five-minute audios. And if I’m feeling really good, how can I make this present moment even more enjoyable? Then I really milk it because ideally you want to be able to milk the moments when you’re feeling really good because then that moment can last.


So if you’re feeling really happy, how can you amp it up in the moment? How can you start thinking of all the things that you’re happy about? If you’re in appreciation, how can you think of all the things that you appreciate? If you’re in this moment, and something really good happens…


I remember the first time a client — I used Docusign back then. I got a notification that they signed their agreement. I was like “Woo-hoo.” It was just so good. I could visualize all these clients coming into my coaching practice. It was just so good.


Or even if, as you’re getting up in the morning and just simply being appreciative. I always say thank you. That’s the first thing I say when I open my eyes. Just thank you. And then I start thinking of all the things that are just beautiful and the fact that I’m cozy under the covers, that I have a really nice pillow, that Ron is next to me, that the dog is in our bed. There is just so much love in our house.


I think of what’s ahead and the people I get to see and the conversations I get to have, and all of a sudden, I just wake up with a smile on my face. Just a total smile on my face.


By the time I get to do my grounding work and all my mindset things before I get to Momentum Marker Workshops… By the time I get to Momentum Maker Workshops, I’m skipping. It just feels so good. So how can you make this moment better? Because your power is in your now.


Step four is to decide on what you want to achieve long-term. This is not everything you want. But even if you have one thing as a focus that you know is going to be so good for you…


I have clients who are like “I don’t know if it’s really good for me this way.”


I said, “Let’s put the specifics away. Let’s just say that this is what you want.”


I have a client who says, “I just want to lot of money and to do whatever I want.”


Cool, let’s start with that.


Then, before you know it, then it became more meaning and more purpose and influence. It was awesome to watch.


Think of the thing that you want and just think about “How can I make that happen?”


Then with you are deciding on the thing that you’re wanting, just making sure that it’s going to be something that’s going to be really good for you that’s going to feel so good and that you know is going to create a better future for you that’s going to give you the resources to continue on your journey and propel your growth forward.


And then step five is really simple. You just simply honor yourself by taking action to achieve that thing.


And this is not about doing everything. This is about taking action. So even if you can direct your energy on that outcome just a little bit every day, a little something every day, and maybe you take a day off. I don’t know. It’s up to you. I like to work on my things every day, even on the days that I’m not doing any work whatsoever, it’s always in my mind. And I give it just a little love as it comes in and goes out. It just comes and goes throughout the day. And it’s really about focusing and directing energy there.


No joke. This is exactly how we came up with the 21-day NLP Abundance Breakthrough. This is exactly how we came up with NLP Sales School coming soon. This is exactly how we came up with NLP Coach school coming a little after that.


It really is about simply playing with the energy. People have been asking me to certify them as master coaches, not regular coaches but as the master coach material in NLP and adding all the other things that I’ve learned. And it really has been something that has just been on my mind. The only thing I’ve done is simply honor the desire. Oh, it would be so awesome. If I can just go big picture enough it will feel really good.


If I go really small picture go into the details, I get a little overwhelmed. So I’m like “Big picture, it feels so good.”


In the same way, as we decided to create NLP Sales School, I love training with sales. I love everything about sales. I think it’s important for every entrepreneur to really know sales. I think if you’re in that type of business, if you’re communicating with people, if you can really know sales, I think you’re going to be able to excel in your career so quickly and do it in a way that feels really good and that allows you to serve others.


So I’m very passionate about it. We’ve been talking about it, and we created the NLP Selling Series, and all of a sudden, there is an opportunity to teach at a deeper level. And we said, “Why don’t we just make it into a program?” And there it is. And this is how it happens.


It’s about you being in that space and allowing yourself to flow in that direction just a little at a time and just keeping an open mind and taking little action steps there.


That’s all I have for you today. I believe in you, and I know that you can have a life that you love starting right now. It is about that moment-to-moment. Make the best of this moment, and that will allow you to make the best of the next moment.


And before you know it, those moments together add up to full days. And before you know it, the days add to weeks, weeks to months and months to years. And before you know it, life is just good. And it can happen. I am living a life that is good, that is so surprising to me sometimes when I think about what life used to be like me before. You can have joy and a sense of peace, and you can love yourself, and you can want to go after big things, and you can live in excitement and inspiration, and you can prosper, and you can be in your abundance, and you can trust. All happening at the same time. It’s just a beautiful thing.


And I want it for you so badly. So good.


Thank you so much for being here with me today. You know that we have all the things, so just go to Go to the Mind Revolution Podcast page. You’re going to have all of the show notes, you’re going to have a bunch of freebies in there. So many more episodes in there for you, so go back it out. Go do your thing.


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