rewrite your negative thoughts

Escaping the Comparison Trap

A few weeks ago I was swept away by a tidal wave of comparison when I said to myself,

“Holy crap, I’m not Tony Robbins, and I’m not Oprah Winfrey.”

I don’t know why I put those two in the same category because really, they’re very different people. Even on the outside — It’s not like they even look alike!

I fell into the comparison trap. What I saw in those icky moments was that I was comparing my results in business and life and wanting to make a difference in the world and realized, that I wasn’t them.

And I know it’s an unproductive thought! I create massive results for people in our trainings and have helped thousands of people change their lives.

And I’m sitting here worrying about not being Oprah or Tony.

This triggered this sense in me of not being good enough. And I wallowed there for a while. I wish I could say that I didn’t, but it took me some time to own it and allow myself to experience those feelings.

Then I made the connection.

Everybody is all internally comparing themselves to whatever else is going on.

I mean, my clients and students are brilliant and sometimes they’re thinking that they’re not doing things the way they “should” be doing them.

Who gets to decide the “shoulds?”
We place these shoulds on ourselves. We look around, choose someone who appears to have their stuff together and we think we must be missing something, and that we need to do something differently.

And the reality is that what we think people are doing and living is such an external thing that is our filtered view. When we’re in comparison mode, we don’t even see the person we’re comparing ourselves to as a real person. There’s no way when we’re in this place that we can have an unbiased opinion.

We’re not supposed to measure up to anything.

We’re supposed to — and this is a bold statement — from my stance, my belief system, and the work I do, I see the greatest results in people and myself when we focus on improving the version of themselves they’re leaving behind.

When people focus on making change in the direction of what they want for themselves — not based on what someone else is doing, they get the best results.

We’re not supposed to be like anybody else.

We’re supposed to be like ourselves. When I’m leading a training, there are people in the room looking at me wondering, “I don’t know if I can ever be like you.”

And this is perfect! I tell them, “That’s great! Don’t do it like me. Do it like you, because your gifts are unique — so unique in fact, that nobody can do things the way that you do things. Nobody has your style. Nobody has your take. Not another person is going to take information and create out of it something that’s magically unique.”

To get out of the comparison trap, we need to model.

Inside The NLP Practitioner and Coaching Certification, it’s all about modeling. NLP — isn’t new. Neuro-linguistic programming wasn’t created out of thin air. The model is about expression because it was designed as a result of modeling other people who were excellent in their field. The model is all about modeling excellence.

And there’s a huge difference between modeling and comparison because modeling creates a sense of inspiration and helps define a goal.

I have a mentor, and the only thing I want to do is deliver trainings in the way that she delivers training. Her certainty and power are phenomenal. And so I love watching her stand at the front of the room because, you better believe I’m taking notes, and incorporating things that I’m going to model.

Modeling is all about looking at what you want, whether it’s someone who has what you want or is doing what you want, and as a result, you are inspired to take action in your special way.

It’s not about thinking, “Ugh, they’re doing so well, and they’re just so wonderful at what they do. And I’m not like them, so I guess I can’t do it.”

I’ve heard this so many times.

People tell me they can’t go to a particular event because their competitor will be there. And I call BS — You’re going to attract your own raving fans in what you’re doing because of you and who you are at the core.

Begin to identify with the piece of yourself that when you look inward and see below all the layers of the limiting beliefs, restricting decisions, negative emotions — all the patterns you’re running — and look at your essence, the purity that’s there. All that love, creativity, joy, wisdom, and skill. Begin to connect right there and operate from that place as much as possible.


All of us have to start there.

No two things are alike. No two people are alike. No two skill sets are alike. And yet they’re all valuable. You are valuable. Your perspective is valuable. And, you matter. So let’s break free from the comparison trap and step into YOU.

Dig deeper into this topic of the comparison trap and hear all about some of my not so run-of-the-mill ideas and views in this podcast episode on The Mind Revolution Podcast — Escaping the Comparison Trap.

I'm Brenda Terry. I'm a personal development trainer and master coach who works with go-getters like you who want to achieve big results in your business and personal life.

If you're excited and ready to play bigger in business and kill it in life, I help you identify and change beliefs, patterns, and behaviors that aren't supporting your goals so you can make more money, find more joy, better manage relationships, and communicate more effectively.
I'm here to help you make the powerful, effective shifts you're craving- faster than you ever thought possible.

Learn how we can work together here.


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