rewrite your negative thoughts

Read This the Next Time You Want to Share Your “Truth”

Let’s talk about “truth.”

Specifically, your “truth.” 

You know, you’ve been doing the inner work, reading the books, practicing mindfulness, and discovering more about yourself and having breakthroughs. 

Your next step: share these “truths” with your loved ones, your best friend, the barista, and anyone who will listen. 

It’s natural to want to share our learnings and truths with others — we’re excited, we feel good, and we want others to feel this way too.

Truth is in quotes here for a reason — your truth is relative.

Sharing your “truths” isn’t always a good idea — it can often be a terrible one because repeatedly sharing your “truth” is a form of bullying.

Before you share your “truth” consider this:

Your conscious mind can only process 50 to 60 bits of information per second out of the millions of bits that are available. The chances that another person is focusing on those same 50 to 60 bits as you is pretty slim. In other words, your truth is likely going to differ from theirs.

And for you to barge into someone else’s world, experience, and their truths, and expect them to understand and validate your truths — Well, I hope you can see this is a tall order. At best, you may end up feeling misunderstood.

Before imparting your truth on others, consider:

  • Who says that it’s important for us to share our truths with other people? 
  • What’s my intention for sharing this? Is it for me or for them?
  • Who says they’re going to get it and be on the same page?
  • Is it possible that the result of sharing what we call truth for ourselves is going to create some sort of divide?

Carl Jung said that our unconscious mind needs to project deeply unconscious information out to our environment via people and events so that we can become aware. So the learning here is to become aware of our thoughts. 

Especially when we look at somebody and we think, “That is so not me,” Carl Jung would tell you, it is you — you’re just unaware and there are elements there that are you.

With this knowledge, you have the power to change your projection out into the world. If you begin to change your perception and how you feel about that projection, then the projection must change. It will because you’ve shifted your focus — thanks to the reticular activating system (RAS).

When you train your RAS to focus on the stuff you want, then you’re going to get more of what you want.

When you find yourself saying, “it’s true,” just know it means it’s true for you, and it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true for others, even the people we love.

What to do when you feel the urge to “share your truth.”

It’s natural to want to share our lessons with others we care about. When you get the instinct to share a “truth” with someone, take a step back, look at the big picture and ask yourself these questions: 

  • For what purpose do I want to share this?
  • What’s the intention of sharing this truth with someone who has a set of truths of their own? 
  • What is the intention?
  • What sort of agreement do I need first?
  • How will this be received?

Your intention is critical here. Get in touch with your positive intentions — is it to feel connected, closer to those you love, or something else? Make sure you approach sharing from a place of positivity and commonality. And if, in your sharing, you sense defensiveness or negative vibes from the other person, respect their time and your intention by stopping, taking a break, and reevaluating your approach. 

Remember, the sucks-for-you meaning of communication is the response you get. The response you get matters.

Here, it’s all about gaining agreement. And you first get agreement by becoming really interested in the other party and how they could potentially be viewing this conversation and this sharing of truths. 

The majority of people — especially when in intimate relationships — they all want the same thing. They all want to come together, to agree, or to move forward. People want to be happy and feel connected, and they’re not connecting because of communication. Often it has to do with somebody feeling like they need to share something important to them. And they depend on the person on the other side to meet the need. They’re seeking acknowledgment and validation, and their wish is for the other person to meet the need.

In NLP, we have a presupposition that says, “The meaning of communication is the response you get.” Sharing our truths will only do something for you when what you’re sharing is received by the other person in the way it’s intended.

If you’re communicating and the response you’re getting is not the one you want, then the problem isn’t the other person — it’s us and how we communicated the information to them. It’s us barging into their space, plopping down on their clean couch, and saying, “Hey, I’ve got this to tell you, and it’s really important, and it should be important to you too.” 

When really, these people have other things going on — their own agenda, goals, and their own truths. 

At the very least, rethink what you hope to gain from sharing your “truth.” Is whatever you’re hoping to gain realistic? Is it fair and reasonable to have that expectation of those around you? 

When you feel the need to share a truth, start with your intention. Then, allow yourself to feel vulnerable enough to say, “Here’s my intention. My intention is to accomplish this with you. I respect your time. I respect that you see things in the way you do, and I respect the differences here. And what I want to do is to find common ground.” 

Share only as much as necessary for you to get your message across. And know that whatever you’re seeing, if it’s pleasing to you, you’re doing great. If you’re seeing something that doesn’t feel good, then you have some work to do — and that’s okay. 

If you’re having the conversation and it starts creating a negative kinesthetic inside, simply know that the more you keep activating that, it can lead to a negative spiral. 

And then give the person the option to agree or disagree with your truth. 

Share your intention and only for as long as you’re in a good place. The moment you notice a negative feeling, it’s time to check in, and if you can, change your perception, move forward, or take a break. It’s really simple and powerful. And I promise you that this technique saves relationships.

If you’d like to hear some more personal stories on truth-sharing, have a listen to episode #36 of The Mind Revolution Podcast on sharing our truths and other bad ideas.

If you enjoyed this episode, you’ll also like these:

  1. Part 1: Walking Through Mud: Why Change Is Hard And How To Make It Suck Less
  2. Escaping The Comparison Trap
  3. It’s not them, it’s you: And other truths about projections

I'm Brenda Terry. I'm a personal development trainer and master coach who works with go-getters like you who want to achieve big results in your business and personal life.

If you're excited and ready to play bigger in business and kill it in life, I help you identify and change beliefs, patterns, and behaviors that aren't supporting your goals so you can make more money, find more joy, better manage relationships, and communicate more effectively.
I'm here to help you make the powerful, effective shifts you're craving- faster than you ever thought possible.

Learn how we can work together here.

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